This is really just a BP example I guess. Short and sweet.

Last night I got quite hammered and went to my local dive bar. All the bouncers/bartenders know me so I can just walk in sit down and the guy hands me a drink. Well I'm sitting there with my friend just talking and randomly this whale sits down next to me plops her purse down. She had some sort of scarf or some whale paraphernalia hanging out that happened to land on my hand when she set her purse down. So, like any other human being in the world, I moved it. It was on my hand.

LO AND BEHOLD, THE PATRIARCHY OPPRESSING THE WOMYN.

This bitch freaked out because I touched her shit. I just looked at her dead pan, I literally could not comprehend what the fuck was going on.

I'm not about to let a whale berate me for doing nothing. So I just straight up told her. "Your shit was on me, so I moved it."

NOPE. PATRIARCHY. OPPRESSION.

I was apparently "being a dick about it". I'm pretty sure she was playing some sort of hyper aggressive shit test but I don't fuck fatties so I just kept the dead pan game going.

ENTER WHITE KNIGHT.

And this dude was alternative as fuck. Tattoos out the wazoo, piercings, skinny as fuck, not someone you would think to white knight fatties. He came to her defense. As soon as he showed up, she IMMEDIATELY disregards the situation and turns to talk to her friend.

So he's playing the whole "why are you a fucking douche card", and I'm like "dude what are you fucking talking about, you're being a tool, buy me a shot"

All I know is 4 shots were ordered, I guess for fattie 1 & 2, white knight, and myself. On the premise that I was paying?? I took the shot and left.

TL;DR Fattie feminist loses her shit and I get a free drink out of white knight emo kid.