Hi I'm new to reddit and new to TRP subreddit. I've been lurking for a few months and these threads, articles, and discussions are pure gold. So, first off, thank you! Secondly, I wanted to share my quick version of the past few years where I felt alpha (but never really knew it), then became beta and now I'm improving myself to get rid of that mentality.

TRP wasn't something I knew about earlier than a few months ago. This is the stuff I've believed in as I grew up through high school and in to early adulthood, but never knew it had a name. I never had trouble with women throughout that time in my life so why research it? I would actually demonstrate this behavior unconsciously. It was natural for me.

Fast forward a few years, I joined the Marines. Soon after I got married (it was likely to fail since it was more of a contract marriage) to enable benefits for a woman I cared about. She led me to believe LTR was really awesome because we had amazing and frequent sex all the while she demonstrated a very submissive personality. That all changed once I got deployed. She was most likely cheating on me while I was away and once I got back she wasn't that desirable submissive, sex-all-the-time, and loving woman anymore.

Fast forward couple more years and I'm separated with the intention of divorce. I wasn't really surprised, but I did make attempts to make it work. Luckily, I kept my money when she couldn't get it and I barely lost anything when we did divorce. Within a couple of months, a new woman found a way in to my life. Unfortunately, she got pregnant very quickly (fml). In conjunction with my wife's (at the time) "negative" portrayal of me and this new woman's pregnancy, I made a conscious decision to change. These closely tied events created a conflict of what I believed and decided to be more submissive. This was the onset of my beta lifestyle.

After my son was born, I became a stay-at-home father. It seemed like a pretty sweet gig for awhile. However, I had very difficult internal struggle with this. On one hand, I was comfortable and I had plenty of free time to myself and on the other, I had placed myself in a submissive role in our relationship. This was not natural for me, but I still held these beliefs to try to maintain (what I thought) was a worthy relationship. Inevitably, this role caused an extreme amount of conflict within our relationship.

I want to say this role was attributed to many things that happened in my life that our society led me to believe was wrong. For example, my wife says she left me because I was controlling. Of course this is from my perspective, but I don't believe I was controlling or even if I seemed a bit controlling, who cares? I'm the man you're the woman. Another example of why I may have displayed beta behavior was the fact that I valued my son's upbringing by having 2 parents raising a child together and denying the fact we could raise a child and not be together.

As of now, that relationship has been disintegrated because of her extremely disrespectful behavior. Looking back, I'm convinced she was cheating on me while she was out and about with her girlfriends until 3 or 4am every other weekend or so. Being the beta I was, I let that shit fly all the time. I rationalized this by saying "as long as she comes here to sleep at night." What a terrible philosophy. Arguments would go, but I would never win since she was still doing whatever she wanted, she had possession of the leash instead of me.

So, back to red pill. We split when I was 27, I'm now 28 and the amount of tail that is available is astonishing. I'm prior service, attending a huge university, in a female dominated discipline, and having a kid kind of helps my game as well. I've been reading all of these discussions on my free time and it's helping me retire all of that beta mentality I somehow adopted in my early 20s. I'm now leading a sexually successful life.

Why am I writing this? I'm not sure exactly, but I just wanted to share my life experience and let you guys know I value this subreddit's information and I appreciate it. I'm also open to elaborating on details about my experiences. I also hope to receive some criticism for maybe those men out there who went through similar situations and require a bit of guidance.

TLDR: I was alpha, then turned beta and now trying to rid myself of that toxic mentality. Thank you to those who create good reading material here.