I'm somewhat looking for support here from other men and maybe some guidance on how to deal with my problems.

First of all a major issue with being a man sometimes is the need to compete. It seems to cause issues as the non-dominate male loses out to rivals. But that will be my storyline in this tale.

First of all I'm bipolar and know that without the assistance of tranquilizers I might not have survived my first psychotic episode.

However since that point I was forced on to meds which drastically made me quite blue pill. I didn't want to be locked up in a mental ward so I took the drugs.

Fast forward to last year when I attempted to get off the meds. I know for a fact in my situation my metabolism and bodily functions have been altered to the point where I could easily end up in the hospital. I was able to get off the meds via tapering down. I had a few ER visits due to blood/heart related issues where my body was speeding up too fast. Towards the end of the year I felt pretty successful in getting off meds and was getting pretty proud of all the weight I had lost from eating healthy and working out while controlling my mental illness.

Fast foward to holiday time: I had a family function for Christmas where one of my older sisters tried to physically harm my newborn infant daughter. It made me so angry I could not do my job the next day and it was YE Inventory. I was already having issues with work as I was starting to believe that human nature had terrible outcomes proceeding in that humans are always destroying nature and that we are simply burdens on nature in our current state and its unsustainable. So I felt it was high time to take a strike from work anyway.

So I was off medication, practically quitting my job because I thought that humans were becoming too much of a burden to the world. Refusing short-term disability. Stuff like that.

My wife called the cops on me for turning the heat off in the house (temporarily mind you I wanted to prove a point that it wasn't always needed). Her family came over and called the cops to try to get me arrested. I stood my ground and the cops and her family just badgered me to take medication which I refused. The cops ended up leaving when I started acting like I was going to try to fall asleep standing. I was just being civilly disobedient which is totally legal. Either way I was so pissed I wasn't going to go back to work for that woman so I knew my job was then done at that time.

Blue Pill falling down time: I gave in though. I went to my scheduled psychatrist appointment (which my damn wife kept trying to move up) and pleaded with him to give me a placebo. He ended up prescribing me Invega which is a med that is hard to taper down cause you can cut it. My weakness and why I consider it blue pill is because I agreed to start taking the meds. I did so because I thought it would allow me to spend more time with my kids and take more time off of work.

Granted those things happened. But my mind is completely fucked over for it now. I'm addicted again to drugs that make me too tired to interact properly with my children. All I want to do is eat and sleep. I'm just finally getting up the nerve again to be civilly disobedient and come out with my story as a cautionary tale. I'm starting to attend meetings with NAMI which is local support and have found one man with similar to my situation (he's an actual wife-beater with prison as a possible sentence). Anyway I'm gonna attempt to get back to a redpill lifestyle but I simply can't do it now without taking meds until I can taper down again which I have started the process.

No matter what I felt my wife was a bitch who wasn't only when I was acting red pill and taking good care of myself and my job. Now its worse that its ever been in our marriage because I simply can't stand up for myself due to medication clouding my judgement.