Serious Oneitis... still keep as friend ?

moose_war · 2015-04-27T02:48:15+00:00

You'll never get over it until she rejects you and you get pissed about it. The reason your oneitis is oneitis is because deep down you harbor some false hope that she wants you. And you're jealous that her sexual happiness doesn't come from you.

It wasn't until I got rejected and realized my oneitis didn't really respect me as a man that I woke up and lost all feelings for her. Like 100% let go of the fantasy completely. It was the way she rejected me. She acted like everything was fine between us, then cut contact and started gossiping behind my back. A simple rejection turned into basically people feeling "embarrassed" for me because...I tried to make a move on her. Something that happens every day to lots of girls and isn't a big deal. I didn't think it was a big deal, until I heard through a friend that she was making it seem like I molested her or something. But then again, this girl clearly has emotional issues if she is shocked by a male friend trying to fuck her.

I realized she saw me as an asexual. She didn't want to know I had sexual needs. The cognitive dissonance freaked her out. And it was partly my fault because I was the one who was beta in the beginning of our friendship and that's the image she saw of me. She wanted to "love" me the way girls love their best gay friends.

This girl is no different and she will not see you differently no matter what, most likely. She may not have the crazy reaction my female friend did, but the once the reality of the rejection sets in and you realize you and her will never be together, you will feel bad for a short time but then feel much much more confident in yourself. Trust me.

abdada · 2015-04-27T02:28:34+00:00

Cut and move on.

Crush oneitis is defined as pain via jealousy and it will hold you back. You'll carry a chip and a scowl and ignore the buffet and beauty that is all around you.

Also, I lost 75# on keto from my fat bastard days. Get on those ketogains -- abs make a guy look 3" taller.

notmyusualreddit · 2015-04-27T03:26:55+00:00

Is this a joke? First off, she has sent you nudes. Extremely rare. I don't even think shed do that to her 'gay bff'. You guys joke sexually. Very few girls will let that go with their beta bff because it gives him false impressions and she knows he will try to kiss her next time they go somewhere after sunset. Finally, I'm 6'4" and enjoy being the tall one, but 5'11" is god damn tall enough even for girls that like tall guys. Unless this chick is 5'11" herself, tell her to get over herself.

I say you just make a move for it and most likely she'll let you keep being friends even after it all blows up.. but I have a feeling you wont even want to. Dont you have better male fitness friends anyway?

RPOwl · 2015-04-27T02:46:36+00:00

Questions like this are for r/asktrp. That being said, you need to lurk more or you'd already know the answer to this question is a hard NO.

life_is_amazing100 · 2015-04-27T02:37:29+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1qJrQHFSsc Its not a unique situation, millions of guys have been in this situation before. Cut her off, I was in the same position about 4 years ago and kept her as a 'close friend' for about 3 of them and all the time and effort wasted trying to be friends with her in hopes that one day she would turn around to like me could've been spent on meeting 100 new chicks better than her.

Arkeaus · 2015-04-27T10:13:48+00:00

You're 5'11 and don't count yourself tall? Damn man, I'm 5'2. You're hella tall.

laere · 2015-04-27T14:22:10+00:00

You have two choices here bud.

Ask her out, make your moves, and embrace the possible rejection. If she rejects you, than you got your answer. Not only will you have your answer, you will feel a fuck load better.
Since it is emotionally draining you, ghost her. Cut contact, in fact, she doesn't exist anymore. Also find some male friends, they're far better.

Try the first choice, if it doesn't work than the only cure for oneitis is number 2. I mean she sent you nudes in the past, I am sure you had a slight window then, but rejection is better than regret.

guerrillaaction · 2015-04-27T16:09:43+00:00

make a definitive move on her or cut ties and keep it moving

Darkone06 · 2015-04-27T17:28:18+00:00

If you are going to disconnect from her you have to make her aware that you are choosing to spend your time with other girls that show potential instead of her.

If you dont do that then she will see it as rejection. You dont want to make her feel rejected you want her to feel like she has to step up her game cause now there is competition.

If she doesnt see competition, she will believe that she ahs control over you whenever she wishes to see you.

It is crucial that you show that you have options and put the ball on her court. If she sees you as more than friends she will fight for the "friendship" at that point make your expectations know.

Step 1: Better yourself

2) Find a plate or better yet a few potential plates.

3) Slowly pull back from spending time with her

4) Make it know that you are choosing someone else over her

5) Wait for a reaction.

6) If she reacts, then make it know you want her suxually not as a friendship. This is the hard one but if you fail to make your expectations know you will digress back to step 1 all over again.

FortunateBum · 2015-04-27T20:08:37+00:00

This is why oneitis is so insidious. You have it so bad you don't even know you have it.

NO! You cannot be friends. Cut off ALL contact.

You are conscious of the trap of orbiting and are allowing yourself to fall into it.

Deep down, if she had a penis, would you enjoy her company as much? Answer honestly.

sheeshmobaggins · 2015-04-27T04:47:06+00:00

I was pretty much in this situation for a while, I was friend zoned for a long time with a girl I was absolutely crazy about. I was a virgin at the time and never made a move, so the friend zone was mostly my fault. For about a year I would constantly text her, listened to her problems, be her "best friend" take her on dates and still pay lmfao. Eventually I just said fuck it and cut her off for about 8 months. I partied with friends, lost my virginity, met new girls, got a new job etc... And after not seeing her for 8 months and not so much as ever kissing her once, I hooked up with her the first night I saw her again. I think the thing is the girl in your situation is never going to magically "wake up" and decide to start dating or sleeping with you. She already has you as a source of validation and attention, why risk that with sex?

ComradeCynic · 2015-04-27T06:11:49+00:00

I think you should amp up the sexual innuendo and jokes, and come at her more directly. Right now you are in a weird gray zone, and if you do want her, you owe it to yourself to try.

Do think about it more, make sure you are being as RP as you can; and drop any bitterness you might feel, women hate bitterness.

Don't even wait until she breaks up with the current BF, since AWALT means she will branch swing to you, if you are the one she wants more.

If she flat out rejects you cold, then you know.

pahispua · 2015-04-27T08:33:07+00:00

You said you've lurked here a while, so read your post (or hell even just your title) as if you were a neutral TRP poster. What advice would you give? Here's mine: hard next her, I don't care what happened in the past, the nudes or anything else, your BP behaviour has soured the relationship past the point of no return.

Really focus on having that abundance mentality we rave about so often on here. It makes the difference internally but also women can smell rival women a mile off and contrary to BP thought would tell you, has the opposite effect of attracting women.

Google abundance mentality and preselection TRP for more information. Don't forget the sidebar is full of this good shit too.

my_redpill_account · 2015-04-27T13:47:52+00:00

You're thinking too hard. Read the sidebar.

Escalate, if she doesn't reciprocate you don't have to cut ties, but loosen them (if you so choose). You won't know if you don't try, and rejection is something you'll learn and get over. Personally I'd escalate, if rejected let her go and move on. But that's me, you make your own decisions.

If you're too worried to attempt to escalate then it's never going to work.

Staying friends or whatever is your choice if you're rejected or not.

UlyssesElias · 2015-04-28T02:38:33+00:00

If she's 'sent you a few nudes' then she's definitely into you. And you talk every day? Some chicks totally do fuck short guys! Go for it!

You could have a onetime fuck with her and have fun or maintain her as a friend for life. I say go for a quick fuck and move on.

blackknightalpha · 2015-04-28T20:40:42+00:00

I have been in a similar situation during my blue pill years, I had a female friend and we had a lot of mutual interests, we really clicked, I also had a huge oneitis. She found out after a 'mutual friend' told her I had a huge crush on her when she just broke up with her BF. Initially she rejected me, "I was not her type", she was disappointed but we chose to remain friends. In the beginning I accepted the situation and tried to remain stoic.

It became harder and harder to deal with the situation and I couldn't comfort the pitiful beta I was with hopes that eventually we would get together. I simply couldn't understand why she didn't like me because we had such similar personalities, I know better these days.

Eventually I decided to end our friendship, she was hurt and hated me for it but she understood. I also told her that if she wanted my friendship and commitment she knew how to get it. She always said she loved me and I was the closest person to her in her life, I told her that if she loved me she wouldn't led me go and some other shit that was pretty RP looking back now. During the weekend I went to a friend's birthday party, the girl was also invited but she didn't show up. I got pretty drunk and so did a mutual friend of us, later that night I fucked the mutual friend while another couple (mutual friends) were fucking in the same room. Within a short time our entire circle of friend knew I fucked the mutual friend.

About a week later she insisted on us hanging out together, my grandpa had died the day before and I would go to Germany for a few days to attend to the funeral. When she visited we hugged for a long time (which we never did) and eventually she kissed me.

By displaying the power to walk away and preselection she radically changed her feelings about me, it was a pretty alpha move. About a year ago we broke up. A few months before the breakup I became homeless and had a series of unlucky events, my personality led to constant shit testing and her beginning to show major red flags, despite promising "she would always be there for me" she broke up with me and ran off with a friend of mine. AWALT. I learned a lot from what happened and it led to me finding TRP. I'm no longer a homeless person and I will attend university in September.

My advice to you, be direct about your feelings. Permanently break off the friendship after rejection, you won't get what you want by staying friends. And if you happen to LTR your friend, never ever lose frame. There are no unicorns, AWALT always applies.

Title	Serious Oneitis... still keep as friend ?
Author	KetoLubber
Upvotes	1
Comments	35
Date	April 27, 2015 2:24 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/33zidh/serious_oneitis_still_keep_as_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/serious-oneitis-still-keep-as-friend.31883 https://theredarchive.com/post/31883

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