Summary: the most important things I have learned in life are things that you do - practices.

You can think of these things like the missions from Fight Club.

  • Look death in the face - do something that brings you close to death, it doesn't have to be your death. Volunteer at a hospice, put an animal out of its misery, anything closely related to death will do. This is about getting in touch with your own mortality - you cant truly live until you truly accept that you will die.
  • Dance with the devil in the pale moonlight - find the most evil thing you can and get as close to it as possible. Flirt with it. This doesn't mean "be evil", it means "know what evil is".
  • Get comfortable with conflict - piss someone off every day for a month, alternate women and men
  • Be contrary for a month - refuse every reasonable request - examine the manipulations people do on your refusal, examine your feelings when subject to those manipulations. Being contrary will help you grow stronger, because it forces you to individuate. You have to fight against the tide every step of the way.
  • Be compliant for a month - say yes to everything, every invitation, every opportunity, every request - without hesitation or thought. Being compliant will help you grow stronger, because people will ask you to help them with things. If you start saying yes to people, you will start having more responsibilities and greater involvement in your community. People will look to you.
  • Write down a list of the feelings you know how to create in others. For each feeling in the list, make one person feel that every day. Try to add new feelings to the list over time.
  • Write down two lists. Your best and worst qualities. For each item on the list, make a plan to eliminate the worst, and to nurture and enhance the best.
  • Learn how to meditate. Go to dhamma.org for locations - its non-profit, donations only. Do one of their gruelling 10 day courses. Its like lifting, for the mind.
  • Examine your pain, own it. Examine it in the deepest detail, know it like you know the back of your hand. Use that pain as your driving force, your powerhouse.

Conclusion: push your boundaries, welcome discomfort and pain. Grow stronger.