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[–]Goateeki 34 points34 points34 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I agree with what you say. Interesting...I've never kept photographs, and though an accomplished runner I always threw out medals. People think I'm weird but I want my life to be as loved as it can possibly be and taking care of things that don't mean that much takes away from time spent living.
In high school I didn't order a yearbook. My mother said to me "one day you'll wish you had." That was thirty years ago and I have almost no recollection of high school, because I've done so much living between then and now. I haven't once said "I wish I had a yearbook from high school."
[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero28 points29 points30 points 9 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
It may make you feel like a stoic badass for rejecting the childish nonsense that are meaningless social ceremonies; but that thought process is short-sighted and ultimately a hinderance to increasing your social value.
Metals, awards, and ceremonies aren't so much for the recipient as they are for the observers, like your friends and family. It's an opportunity for others to celebrate you.
People who aren't on the sociopath spectrum (or rather, the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum) feel good about giving to others. They experience a sense of value and belonging by expressing their appreciation and affection for you, and giving to you that attention reinforces their emotional bond to you.
When you deprive them of the opportunity to give you gifts or to celebrate your achievements, you deprive them of an opportunity to reinforce their attachment to you, which in turn weakens their connection to you.
For example, the inaugural ceremony for the US President to take his oath of admission to the office of the presidency has almost nothing to do with making the person elected as president "feel special." The event is a show for everyone else's benefit. In fact, by law, the president-elect becomes president on January 20th, regardless of whether a ceremony is held or not. Legally, the ceremony holds zero value.
As everyone here knows, people are drawn to associate with individuals of high social status. Awards and ceremonies are symbols of achievement and high social status. People are influenced by those symbols. By destroying those symbols, you make your social life more difficult because you're destroying evidence of your achievements and high social standing, which are precisely the things we need to communicate to others if we wish to build our perceived social value.
TL;DR: awards and ceremonies have little to do with making you feel special; they're symbols to communicate your value to others.
Edit: additionally, while over-dependence on external validation can be indicative of poor self image, a strong healthy self image does not free a person from external validation. Such a goal is antisocial and counterproductive when developing social value.
Reuters reports on an interview with a British MI6 agency chief, discussing our man Bond. He said, "It’s safe to say that James Bond wouldn’t get through our recruitment process," said [Alex] Younger.
He added that while real MI6 spooks shared Bond's qualities of patriotism, energy and tenacity, they needed additional values not displayed by the hero of "From Russia with Love", "Goldfinger", "Dr. No" or more recently "Skyfall" or "Spectre".
"An intelligence officer in the real MI6 has a high degree of emotional intelligence [and] values teamwork -- unlike Mr Bond."
So in a nutshell, no, James Bond is not the ideal characterization we should aspire to. He's a fictional character with detrimental personality disorders that isolates him socially, ultimately leaving alone and unfit for duty in the real world.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said. I agree. Trophies give people a way to admire you. Helps with social setting and makes you look accomplished.
[–]Goateeki 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I'm trying to figure out where in what I wrote you see me saying that I deprive anyone of an opportunity to give me gifts or celebrate my achievements. My girlfriend just threw me an awesome surprise birthday party with 50 guests.
What I said is that I have no desire to cling to medals or awards and keep them around me. To me, the actual achievement is what is important to me. My performance that day -- a performance that has meaning only until the next race, when I have to perform again.
And trust me, I'm about as high in social standing as a person could want to be. I'm not trying to brag or make anyone feel bad, but my cup runneth over in terms of resources and friends and several lovely women. I'm really fortunate. And this has nothing to do with the wall of trophies that I could have, but choose not to have. It has to do with my personality. I say this only because I don't want you to think I'm overlooking some important strategy in ditching tokens of achievement. That might be important for other people, but it's not something that I've ever had to rely on.
There are guys who've been given the Medal of Honor or the Victoria Cross and never speak about it. To me, that's about as great as a man can be. I'll never win a Medal of Honor, but if I had, I wouldn't throw that out. That's real. And then in contrast, there are people who win an Academy Award, blast it on social media, and display it on their mantelpiece. I'm not that kind of person.
[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Counterpoint:
Social value is about your perceived value to others. Yes, it may be superficial, but making an impression is all about perception.
Lifting is superficial. Having a defined physique gives the impression that you are strong and can physically defend yourself and your woman from physical threats.
But having a nice body is just a shadow of having actual fighting skills. Going to the gym and lifting doesn't mean you can defend yourself in a fight, so it's just superficial compared to training in MMA or something.
Then again, if you developed yourself into an MMA master, the tournaments are just a shadow to actual combat. You're not Jean Claude van Dam and you're not participating in Bloodsport. Martial arts are a shadow compared to actual combat. Ask any soldier who's experienced getting shot at and has shot at others in return.
So if lifting is a superficial shadow of appearing able to physically defend yourself and martial arts training is just a superficial shadow of actual physical combat, then the only people of actual substantial worth are combat infantry soldiers. If that's the case, then why bother lifting?
But of course we know there is value in lifting; so we lift, even if much of the value is superficial.
My point is that almost everything is superficial. Dressing nicer is superficial, a huge bank account is superficial, having large biceps is superficial; but we pursue these things because other people infer value from them. And if our goal is increased perceived social value, then we must do the things that other people find valuable, even if those things are superficial and insubstantial.
If we choose to say "those things are bullshit and I won't waste my time with superficial nonsense," then recognize that such an attitude is by definition MGTOW. If the goal is to get pussy, then we do the things that women find attractive, even if you believe those things are superficial and bullshit. If you don't want pussy, then don't do the things they find attractive.
[–]1empatheticapathetic1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women and unfortunately some amount of men are very superficial. That's the game.
[–]1empatheticapathetic15 points16 points17 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I tend to not celebrate my winnings or achievements but then agonise over my shortcomings/failures. Indicates an unhappiness with myself.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have noticed that I tend to do this as well. I'm someone who can be pretty hard on myself.
[–][deleted] 9 points9 points9 points 9 years ago | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon11 points12 points13 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I felt useless and mentally decided to give up. Quit after the first day.
Jobs are like women - it's their job to reject you, not yours.
You should always stick it out with a job unless you have a better plan. There is more chance for growth if you don't fucking quit. Being fired doesn't suck that badly, losing opportunities freaking stings.
But you know that now.
[–]Sumuran4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep in mind some jobs will consider being fired as a negative. I had a good friend lose his job at Boeing because his background check revealed he'd been fired prior for performance issues. He wasn't lazy, just a bad fit. I definitely agree with your overall meaning however.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
From Fight Club - "No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."
[–]mummersfarce_is_done5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bond's sheer focus on accomplishing the mission at hand... and fucking every attractive women nearby.
[–]MrAnderzon2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its kinda like mind your own buisness
[–]ironicalbastard2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had this "theory" in my head for a long time but never wrote it down. I lost 20kgs and in the midst of working out and every time I got compliments I reminded myself that I should not care about them or the "you are getting too skinny" critics; that's because I wasn't doing this to please anyone and I shouldn't care what anyone else thought.
The "not caring about compliments" was, interestingly, very liberating.
[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro9 points10 points11 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, and Darth Vader in last scene of "Rogue-1" shows us dramatic persistence in chasing plans.
Reported for "no examples from fiction or lyrics"
[–]imtoophilosophical2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Literally if you try OPs advice you'd just end up being that odd autistic quiet guy in the corner who seems awfully dull
[–]Nikases1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The 007 mentality is a great tool Whenever I get depressed due to my bipolar disorder I completely hit the wall and often contemplate suicide but knowing that it's something I have to push through makes it a challenge and while my psychologist and those around me tell me I have started to handle it a lot better then it somehow feels fake. Because it's not about them it's me that is dealing with this issue it's me that has to cary the burden and while friends, family and psychologists guide you then it's your victory. True validation comes from yourself and not your peers as we all struggle in different ways and only you can set the goals for your life because in the end you only have yourself
Great post
[–]iteal0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When someone compliments you, look past it. When someone insults you, look past it. When something good happens in your life, focus on what's next. When something bad happens in your life, focus on what's next.
This was a huge deal for me to understand and get myself accomplished to. It wasn't that insults kept me down or compliments motivated me. It was the other way around! When I received negative statements about me, it motivated me to show them I'm better than they think I am. When I got compliments I thought, well now that someone finally noticed I don't need to improve or go on.
Some people get motivated by mysterious things and demotivated by even more obscure things. But in the end it's not motivation that keeps you going, it's discipline. So I learned that I cannot rely on other peoples perception of me to create an image of myself. I have to do it on my own.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a good approach but you also have to fake it a bit, socially. I think of it as more of a bruce wayne mentality.
[–]abc690 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Why the fuck did OP remove this?
[–]CaptainCringeworthy 1 points1 points1 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I didn't remove it. The mods must have.
[–]abc691 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Excuse me, please. Do you happen to have a copy of the text?
[–]CaptainCringeworthy 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
The Bond (007) Mentality and Avoiding External Validation
This way of thinking is derived from the secret agent James Bond. If you notice, nothing seems to faze Bond in his missions. He never laughs or cries, never takes things personally, never gets attached to a girl, never celebrates a win or gets depressed with a loss. Bond's sheer focus on accomplishing the mission at hand coupled with his training as an Agent means that he never gets mired with issues beyond his control or wastes time trying to fix things he can simply ignore.
One of the most powerful tools in your arsenal is the ability to ignore the trivial. For example, yesterday I was on the bus and this woman sitting next to me was swearing on the phone in front of a group of kids. I called her out on it and told her to stop. She then went on a rampage against me, threatening to sue me. Unfazed by her, I told her she needed to move to another seat away from me and the kids and in a fit of rage she complied. I then put on my headphones and blocked her out for the rest of the trip while she whined about how bad of a person I was. I got her to move, which is what I wanted. When in victory, know when to stop.
In pickup, rejections can be harsh and out of line. It is our ability to smile in the face of insults, derogatory statements, and threats that allows us to carry on with our life.
Most importantly: we cannot allow external validation to dictate how we judge ourselves. Facebook likes? Meaningless. Lay count? Unimportant. Upvotes? Who the fuck cares. When I got trophies in wrestling I threw them away immediately. I didn't need pieces of plastic and paper to determine how good of a wrestler I was. I knew that internal strength would bring you much further in life than looking outward in order to find proof that people like you.
Conclusion: Focus on yourself and the actions you can take for you to succeed. People will dislike you, even hate you, and most of the times it's for their own personal reasons and reasons that are out of your control and not worth your time. It is our ability to be in control of our emotions and reactions to events both good and bad that decide whether or not we succeed in pickup and in life. Be able to cut your losses and rebound as fast as you can, and your results within pickup and in life in will flourish.
[–]abc690 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed to hear this.
This is really good, thank you for sharing. I can't understand why the mods removed it
Bond is a favorite object of critique for the left. He is everything they hate, yet this latest grunt-version of Bond by Daniel Craig who is more muscly, crude and not that sophisticated has done extremely well with audiences. Even left-wingers who claim to hate alpha behaviour, good looks and money will...drumroll...chose the alpha behaviour, good looks and all the fucking money in the world.
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[–]Goateeki 34 points34 points34 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero28 points29 points30 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Goateeki 2 points2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points | Copy Link
[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1empatheticapathetic1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1empatheticapathetic15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points9 points9 points | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sumuran4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mummersfarce_is_done5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrAnderzon2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ironicalbastard2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]imtoophilosophical2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Nikases1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]iteal0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]abc690 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]CaptainCringeworthy 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]abc691 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CaptainCringeworthy 2 points2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]abc690 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link