TLDR: I found out that every man can become whoever they want to be trough dedication and when that happens its the "hour of the wolf"

UPDATE: I have added something I did not have time for when I posted it.

Hey, if you are reading this on this sub, I just want to say that this is a reflection of the man that had experienced the change from humiliation to be the person he always wanted to be. This is not guidelines, neither is it universal rules. All men are unique and each man has to find their own rules to become who they want to be. Hopefully, you will find yourself entertained by my reflections on a 7 year long journey that became the best time of my life.

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THE HOUR OF THE WOLF

I do not know if he was drunk or if he was just messing around, but the conversation I had with this formal acquaintance become more than just some preparty ramble a cold August night in a Scandinavian city. He was a couple of years older than me but still had the appeal of captain on a varsity team. I still remember the conversation clearly. He talked about the "hour of the wolf."

How we the conversation lead to this I am still not sure of, but the words guided me for the next chapter of my life.

According to him, the hour of the wolf was the time when a man became the person he always wanted to be. The hour in this sense was diffuse, it could be hours, days, or months. But at one point a man of dedication would sweat, bleed and feel pain long enough to transform into the person they always wanted to be. The hour started when this man felt the world change, when a girl smiled back at your train, when your colleagues laugh at your bad joke, and when you feel that you are happy with yourself. This was the moment the man has the world at his feet. When you know you are not that person that you hated anymore.

Two years later, this person, this acquaintance I do not even remember the name of, convinced me. He was right. There is an hour of the wolf, and its hours draw closer by sweat, dedication, and discipline.

FAILURE

The first smart decision I took was to move away from my home city. There was simply too much humiliation and too many rejections. Girls with their pitty "ahh, I have a boyfriend" or straight up laughter. In a bad spiral, I compensated my insecurity by trying to be the jester, which is pathetic in many ways. You should never struggle or trying to much to be a natural member of a social element.

The bad thing is that the more you are not appreciated in a social setting the more you fall back in the development. I do believe that many people that lack social skill is due to lack of practice, and that is a never-ending bad circle.

Once I ended up with a girl pouring beer at my head. My crime, I had sit at her friends' place around the nightclub table.

Now, I do believe it takes time to make a change. Many people are often in denial of themselves, but at one point you get the low point moment when you realize that you are not the person you want to be. It can be small things like always getting interrupted while talking, you are the one that needs to stand when there are not enough chairs at the booth, flat out laughed at when you smile to a girl.

Ask yourself, are you really happy with life now, or are you just too afraid that changes will lead to the worse?

Second good thing I did was to take my time. I did not give up when i was at the same weight after 1 week of training, neither when people still called me fat after a month of training, etc.

Rome is not built in a day and neither are you. Go to the gym, try a new machine, drop the unhealthy thing and try a healthy thing. Clean your room. Get in routines. You are building a monument and monuments take time. Just remember that you are a better person then you were yesterday.

Also remember, you will make a fool out of yourself at one point, not a big one, but unless you sit in a corner alone all the time, you will say something stupid or do something stupid. Learn from it! Unless its criminal does not think about it and move on. Perfection demands practice.

Remember, it is not about living like a monk for a period, just to gain a temporary high, it is about changing yourself. Make simple rules. Are you gonna drink 2 beers tonight, Go to the gym and run the amount of kcal two beers have. Do not deprive yourself of the simpler joys. Like everything in life, it is about "too much": Too much of everything is bad for you, everything from water to training. Find your way and push yourself, but do not stop to live.

Ask yourself, when is the last time you enjoyed a good training, where your shirt is so dripped in sweat that you can twist it and it will drop? The moment you come home, showered and sit down, knowing that you made the day as effective as you could? Trust me its easy to get addicted to that feeling, and it is a great feeling to be addicted to.

IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU

They say women fall for confidence. That is not completely the truth. There are two types of confidence. Fake and real. Fake confidence is when the overweight guy tries to act with real confidence, but know deep inside that he is not up to his full potential and tries to put a fake facade in a social setting. This was me for many years.

Then there is real confidence, and that is a hell of a drug. That is confidence built by hours in the gym, dedication in the kitchen and discipline in the social life. Its the drug that makes it so easy to be successful with women. I do believe that almost no man is so ugly that he will not get the respect that comes naturally if he takes care of his body.

If it is one thing overweight people have, it is that the compliment when you change comes more often. I was 25-kilo overweight when I first walked into the gym. It was not my first attempt to lose weight, but I lacked the discipline. By a stroke of luck maybe the new apartment I moved to had a gym on the ground floor. The first class of spinning became 2500 kilometer in a year.

However this was only the first step, the simple truth is that cardio is good for your inner health but not so much for your visual one. If you really want a change, you need to change your food and you need to lift weights.

However, there is no complete guide to a healthy life. I found my way and you need to find yours.

My first compliment came after around 7 kg down, and it was like the first dose of an addictive opiate. Remember, people also love a Cinderella story, there is a reason the biggest loser went on for XX seasons. After 10 kg people started smiling and after 20 I felt like King of the world. It took me around 15 months, but the hour of the wolf was upon me.

It was then I learned it was all about me.

YES really. It is all about you. It is not about the girl you like, it's not about the social circle that you try to impress, it is about you and only you. Trust me, the drug that comes after the hour kicks in, getting the respect that you deserve from the society, it is all worth it.

THE RULES

It is scary how the rules change when you go from blob to attractive, in so many ways. Just shopping for clothes is a whole new world. You step into a clothes store and the women working there actually smiles at you with a warmth that can not be faked. When she brings the medium or small size when XL is too big.

For many people, the goal is to be attractive and have sex, but I noticed the real reward is in the details. It was the one unknown women that kissed me at the bar and then just left. The other women that wanted a toast and a hug. The attention you suddenly got, the possibility to sit down at the train and talk to a random woman without feeling like a creep. The invitations you get from social circles because you are part of an attractive entourage instead of the baggage. It is the world in the difference. When it came to girls it was like a dog chasing cars. I have been chasing them for so long, and now they parked in front of me, I did not know what to do. It was a brave new world.

The rules changed for me also. It became clear that I could afford some new rules. Before it was once in a lifetime I had the attention and affection of a girl. Now there were many fishes in the sea.

My first rule I learned quickly. Never fight for a girls attention. I noticed there were some girls that often created a flirty tone with several guys at a place, a vague promise of affection. If you feel that you are pitted up against another guy, drop out. Do not waste your time and full attention against women that will not give you her full attention. Remember, some other people might believe they are the alpha male, but you are too good to belong in such a hierarchy.

The second rule was to be the nicer man. As long as you do not get spat on, do not let the testosterone guide you. If you have come to this stage already you have nothing, absolutely nothing to prove to anyone. You can conquer the world, and you know it. Remember it is all about you, and you have tomorrow and all days after that.

The third rule I learned was that I would say yes to the things I like. Another challenge I took to myself was to say yes to more thing and do things I like. I started with voluntary activities, NGO work and playing Rugby. Trust me, the persons you meet here are worth 1000x then those you meet a dark nightclub. There are few memories I cherish more than the ones at a brown pub, sitting and discussing topics with fellow-minded people, being respectful in the group, and most of all laugh together while drinking beer.

The fourth rule: Don't go to nightclubs. Nightclubs are a scam. It might be culturally based but where I live nightclubs are a true scam that does not deserve your money. You are too good and worked too hard for the meat market, you have nothing to prove to others. Even if you get a girl there, the sex is based on an illusion created by loud music, overcharged alcohol and loud music. The real great intimate moments comes when you connect with people in other ways. Trough sport, hobbies, hell even go to the library, but do not lower yourself to the standards of a night club.

For me, the favorite place was local pubs, with tables, not loud music and good beer. You can talk to a person, charm them and it does not cost the shirt off you, it's also a perfect place to talk shit with your friends and just enjoy the smaller things.

Fifth rule: You can talk to girls. If you look good, dress good and smells good, people will talk to you. And if you are rejected, learn from it. There was one time I was heading home for the night. At the train, I talked with a gorgeous pregnant woman. For 15 minutes she was open, smiled, and laughed while we talked. Never saw her again, never had any intentions with her, but the confidence and experience coming from such dialogues is gold worth. Do not be the alpha male, be the male too good for the hierarchy of a pack. It is about the journey. Sexual relations are so much greater when its part of an experience instead of a goal to a mission.

THE HOUR IS THE START OF THE JOURNEY, NOT THE END

Let's start with the moment I knew something was happening. I had basically been dedicated myself at the gym for 7-8 months, decreased (not dropped) my unhealthy choices. The first mention was a friend of me mentioning that I looked different. The second one was at a party where a girl I knew started to touch my arm muscle. These compliments were like an adrenaline shot through the heart. Now, you might not know this, but when you for the first time in life hear that you look good (from other than relatives), it gives you the motivation to move mountains and it drives you straight back to the gym. Seriously I was ready to go straight from the Irish pub I was at to the nearest 24/7 gym.

But the real kicker happened maybe three-four months later when I added a more weights specific program into my routines, combined with rugby, dieting and protein shake. At this point, my mom was worried that I was becoming too thin. I had to buy new pants as the old one did not fit etc. But the really strange thing that I will have to admit I had difficulty to adjust towards, was the dating scene and the advances of women.

Lets first start with the bottom line. I was clueless about the scene. I had been rejected by almost everyone at home, humiliated and been called a creep. I had misunderstood situations and made people uncomfortable and it made me angry as the years went by. (More on this later)

The world was different now. At a long table, one girl wanted to sit on my thigh as there were not enough chairs. I went to the bartender and asked for another chair. Another girl texted me that her fuck buddy had moved on, I recommended to her the app Tinder, etc. However, when you are attractive you have an open goal with no goalies or defenders.

The first thing I noticed was that females really...really....like to be vague. One time I was at a bar, a girl said something to me, I could not hear her, I moved closer, and she grabbed me by the collar and kissed me. I had sex with another girl in the forest after I jokefully put my shoulder on her head. Remember you have all the tries there is in the world, because you are by default attractive to the majority and girls want you to succeed.

However, the sexual encounters are one thing. The trust that you omit is another. There is something about when the female friend you have is so tired that she put her head against your shoulder to sleep. For me, it was better, because now my default mode was now being a handsome guy.

So what happened afterward. Well as all people I grow older and my priorities changes. However, the fact that I got to experience the young part of my life in a way that I never thought I would, makes me a little happy every time. I thought I would be alone, socially awkward and a loser. I managed to experience the young life that I was sure I would never have. So to anyone reading this, please believe in yourself, focus on getting there and not on what to do when you get there. The hour of the wolf is a beautiful one but I demand dedication, but I do believe it is reachable for everyone.

The anger

To go on the sideline a little bit, I know that many men are angry in today's society, and the anger is justified, but there is nothing in the world that we can not handle, because we are men. We are dedicated and we can achieve anything. Do not be mad on the rules of the hierarchy and society, they only apply to you when you let them. Dedicate yourself, and you will found yourself being the guy you want to be.

And believe me, there are some sweet spots also when you turn yourself around. People who get everything from the beginning will never get the compliment on how good they are looking now. They will never feel the excitement of sleeping with the girl that rejected you 10 years earlier. They will never have the humbleness and kindness that comes along with dedication and effort, and they will never understand and appreciate the good things about life because they have taken it for granted.