I'm new here, and while I've read a bit on 'gaming theory' and such before, I never truly tried putting it into practice, probably because I felt I didn't want the kind of women who'd fall for 'tricks' and that they would mostly make me an asshole. But increasingly I'm realizing that this advice is based on biology and not misogyny and that it's not optional.

I'm pretty much beta, except in bed where I manage to be dominant enough; and that's actually been my only saving grace when it comes to relationships. After reading up here a bit this afternoon, my conclusions are mainly that I'm too easily intimidated by beauty, too nice for niceness' sake, not confident enough (even though I have reasons to be!) and most importantly that I use zero strategy. That needs to change, as my sex life is unsatisfying. Just had a second date that didn't feel nearly as great as the first, and after reading stuff on this sub-reddit, I realize I've made like a dozen mistakes. Serious amateur hour in retrospect, she handed me golden opportunities to play up my value and I missed them all; in one case I even lied when truth would have helped me just in case it might hurt her feelings. I give myself 75% odds she'll cancel our third date planned for Thursday.

I'm 30, and I haven't had a steady girlfriend in 5 years, and aside from a couple lucky short-term things, I've always dated girls below my objective 'value' (Not as pretty nor as wealthy), and it's a drag on my morale. I want confidence and strength in my relationships, I'm tired of worrying and being shy. I have a very social job and I do great at it, and yet I suck at dating. This is the missing link. I'm playing the clients for the bonus; but I'm too beta to play the girls. Pedestal, whatever. I just never even tried. And now I'm going to give it a real shot. I may feel like an ass for a bit, but I've just got to recondition myself. I got such terrible advice growing up; my dad raised me on 'tell them they're pretty and give them flowers'. I'm finally starting to realize that the true nice guy isn't the doormat essentially hoping to be granted favors, but the man who is strong enough to be in control without being an asshole. How I failed to realize this 15 years ago I wonder.

I just needed to jot down my thoughts on the whole thing. Clearly I have a steep road ahead, but I'm going to give this a serious shot. I'm never going to be happy if my dating life mostly consists of staring at my phone hoping she wrote something, or being nervous on dates instead of enjoying them.

I'll never be a real alpha, but it's high time I start faking it well.