TL;DR don’t dismiss an entire group of individuals or an entire ideology because you disagree with the most extreme examples/statements from individuals who claim to share that group’s ideology.

This post is geared towards those who are unsure about TRP, those considering ascribing to TRP, and those who hate TRP. I am about as open-minded as they come, and I believe that my educational background and employment have given me the skills to be objective, to conduct thorough and broad due diligence, and to think critically and rationally. I was raised by a liberal, feminist mother and a fiscally-conservative, socially-progressive father. My parents did not have a happy marriage, and my mother suffered from serious mental-health issues which still affect her today. Admittedly, my relationship with my mom contributed to negative feelings that I had about women and femininity for a large part of my teenage years and into my 20s.

My dad worked long hours, and was your typical don’t-upset-your-mother type. He is a good man, a loving dad, and an abused husband of 32 years and counting. He was a great role model in all things school, integrity, loyalty, honesty, and dedication. He was a terrible role model in all things related to romance, relationships between men and women. Fear of being abused and punished like my dad also contributed to those same negative feelings I had for so long.

From the time I started having girlfriends in middle school all the way up through a broken engagement at age 27, I had no idea how to be in a relationship. I was given little information by my parents, except to be respectful and to be careful. My understanding of how men and women should behave in a romantic relationship was largely predicated upon TV and movies. I was a believer in grand gestures, proclaiming undying love, in love at first sight. I have always taken instruction very well. I followed the steps to make a woman love me very carefully. I was never crass or inappropriate, I was the model of chivalry, I paid for everything and expected nothing in return except that eventually I would be loved. In short, I treated a woman like a vending machine – insert coins, dinner, time, effort, understanding, utmost respect – and out pops love and sex. Of course, this was very flawed for many reasons. The first of which is that I was not treating women like humans, but rather like wind-up fuck robots. I don’t think I am being controversial in saying that women, for the most part, do not enjoy being treated like fuck robots.

I tied a large part of my identity to finding love. I wanted a perfect partner. I was so very much sold on the idea that I got engaged to a woman who had cheated on me in excess of five times with five different partners. She had her reasons. She brought an STI into our home, and became pregnant with a child of indeterminate parentage. So I got engaged to her… man up, right? Sometimes, life sucks. In the span of three days, she miscarried, she admitted the kid probably was not mine, our engagement ended, and she moved out. This relationship, and several other tumultuous ones, contributed to the negative opinions about women I once held.

So you have some background on me. I am a person that engages in a great deal of introspection, and I am always taking stock of how past events shape my current feelings and impressions.

I came to TRP for the first time a very bitter, very hateful, broken person. I came to TRP as a man that never wanted to be involved with another woman. I came to TRP as a person who had no love or respect for himself, and was, therefore, incapable of loving or respecting others.

Now having “taken the red pill” I am a person that loves and respects himself. I have accepted some hard lessons about what it means to be a man in this world, the hardships and also the privileges. I have accepted some hard lessons about what it means to be a woman in this world, the hardships and the privileges. In addition to TRP, I spend a lot of time on lifehacker, jezebel, XX, reddit relationships, and a ton of other websites – not to troll, but to learn, understand, empathize with other humans. I believe that my opinions about TRP are all the more valid given that I have done my best to expose my brain to a very broad view.

TRP is not perfect, but thus far the general philosophy espoused in this subreddit has provided, for me, the best explanation as to the why and how of interpersonal relationships between men, between women, and between men and women. I have tried to learn as much as possible about cognitive biases (such as confirmation bias, belief bias, and hindsight bias) in an effort to objectively evaluate the world. Time and again I have found myself in a situation where I am interacting with another human in a way that resembles situations discussed in the forum or sidebar. Time and again, I have felt as though I better understand the subtext of such an interaction having read about it on TRP. Even when it is a new interaction, TRP has given me a framework to dictate my interactions with others which precludes being taken advantage of, being ridiculed, being intimidated, or being bullied.

I did not know any of this information before TRP. Are there other places I could have learned these lessons on how to be tough, have discipline, carry myself confidently, and most importantly - to develop knowledge, strength, and skill to the extent that such confidence was warranted? Yes, probably. There are self-improvement sources, PUA, fitness sites – but not synthesized in a way like TRP. Two heads are better than one, and TRP has 60,000 heads trying to piece together an ideal strategy on how to live. This is important – TRP taught me how to live. Not how to fuck women, not how to manipulate co-workers, not to hate, not to rape, not to condescend. Some of the 60,000 heads are where I was not so long ago – filled with hate, wanting to lash out. TRP is a safe space for these individuals to do so. The vitriol gets really bad sometimes, but our constitution guarantees free speech. Even speech that offends. Those who vehemently disagree with TRP also have a safe place to do so.

I would like to address a serious problem with our nation, which affects reddit locally. The problem is the willingness of individuals to write off an entire group of humans based on an ideal. TRP is guilty of it. Feminism is guilty of it. Religions are guilty of it. Democrats and Republicans are very guilty of it. People who post things like “all TRPers are hateful, pathetic, lonely creepers who want to manipulate women” are assholes. Because TRPers aren’t. we are a super diverse group that generally share some basic notions, but who radically differ on many things just as you would expect a group of humans to do. That sentiment is not only specious, but triggers people who are legitimately angry to feel marginalized for just trying to gain some guidance. TRPers are equally guilty of the same against feminists. I don’t believe that any two people share identical views, much less an entire movement – lumping people together based on an ideal is bad policy, it lacks understanding and does not allow for nuance. Furthermore, it does not allow for meaningful discussion.

For me, and for many who I have engaged in discourse through reddit, TRP is a good place to start rebuilding. TRP has effectively “set the floor” for me, not the ceiling. I did not come to TRP to learn everything I need to know about how to live, how to interact with people, how to be in a relationship with a woman. What I did learn through this sub is how not to interact, how not to live, how not to be with a woman. Before, I had no floor. I would willingly lie, cheat, steal to get ahead in this world, or get in bed with a woman. I felt like artifice was my only option since all of my other strategies had so miserably failed. Ironically, when I pretended – I was pretending to be the person I have become. I pretended to have impressive achievements, now I earn them. I pretended to have confidence and charm, I believe I have made leaps forward in these areas too. TRP taught me to focus on me, to improve me, to better myself and those around me. Once my focus was on improvement, I came to realize that no upper limit existed except the one I imposed upon myself. TRP is not the ceiling, not the end all be all. But if you internalize the lessons taught here – understand what makes a man attractive, understand what makes a man different from a woman, understand why it is ok to acknowledge and celebrate the differences between men and women rather than ignore them or try to rationalize them into oblivion, understand that both men and women can be assholes, understand that you and you alone have the power to improve your circumstances, understand that women do not enjoy being put on a pedestal – your life will be better.

Those who rely on the most radical, most extreme, most vitriolic contributions to TRP as proof that the entire sub is deeply disturbed are engaging in manipulation in its most simplistic form. Tim McVeigh was a Roman Catholic, and an extremist. If I were to suggest that, because he identified as Catholic and because he rationalized blowing up a federal building in part because of beliefs he developed through involvement with the Catholic Church, you should believe that all Catholics are domestic terrorists, you would rightfully laugh in my face. An extremist is an extremist first, and a whatever-else second. I trust that most people have the mental acuity to read something written by an extremist and dismiss it as nonsense. And yet, when someone compiles a “worst of” list of posts on TRP across many discussions in as many months – people point to that compilation as TRP cannon. “See – they are all misogynist, neo-con, mouth-breathing idiots!!!” Be better than that. Do not be so easily swayed by someone with an agenda. Ask yourself, why is this person saying this thing? Why did this person go through the trouble of making this post, or list, or whatever? Most importantly, think for yourself.

The Red Pill was named so because those of us who ascribe to the TRP philosophy believe that our minds have been freed from brainwashing. I can tell you 100% that I was brainwashed into believing things about life which simply were not true. TRP was a rude awakening – a bitter pill to swallow. Humans hate stepping out of their comfort zone, and do not want to experience things which challenge what they hold to be true. This is especially true for emotionally charged beliefs like god and love. I believe that it is because TRP challenges widely-accepted belief about love that it is so despised, by men and women alike.

Thank you for reading.