When Doubts Arise

You get that sinking feeling regarding a girl.

She has not texted you back.

She is acting strange.

She rain checked or flaked altogether.

Or there is just something going on, and you cannot quite put a finger on it.

What do you do?

This is a tough question, and a place I have found myself in many times. I wish I could give you a solid, surefire answer, but it varies.

Do not worry though. I will give some guidelines for how to approach these situations. Before I do this though, I will relay some personal experiences I have had with doubts.

Instincts do not lie

Doubts arise from instincts, or insecurities.

The nice thing about doubts which arise from your instincts, is they are often triggered without an observable action. If that is the case, you are almost guaranteed to be correct in having those doubts.

There was a girl I got a bad case of oneitis for a couple of years ago. She was a great girlfriend, and we really only broke up because I moved. But like an idiot, I maintained a connection with her in the event that something would work out in the future.

I visited her twice after we officially ended it, and each time we acted as if we had never separated in the first place. She knew where I was at, I knew where she was at, and we were cool with what the situation was, or so I thought.

During the initial reunion of our second visit, she was all smiles. She hugged and kissed me tenderly. It felt good.

We got back to her place and chatted about what the fuck ever for a couple of hours.

I then proceeded to get her naked, and give it to her. This is when a little trigger went off. She was kissing my passionately, and really getting into it. She told me how much she missed my cock, and she totally meant it. Regardless, something felt off.

After we finished, I asked her, "what's wrong."

Not, "what's the matter?" Not, "is there something you want to tell me?" I felt something was amiss, and went straight to the assumption that it was not good.

She replied casually, "Nothing."

Hmmmmm... Alright. This girl had never lied to me, ever. I was just being paranoid, or so I tried to tell myself.

The next couple of days went accordingly. We did some fun shit, enjoyed each other's company, she cooked for me, and we had some pretty awesome sex.

It was the third morning of our time together.

We were spooning, and I was feeling a bit randy, so I started making my move. I kissed her, and immediately stopped.

"You are going to tell me right fucking now what is going on."

She responded sheepishly, "I am just not attracted to you anymore."

I lost my shit.

I am human, so hearing this stung a little. Especially given the fact that I mistakenly put her up on a pedestal.

But it was not so much that she said what she did, or that she completely meant it. It is that she was lying to me, I knew it, and did not do anything about it for 3 fucking days.

If she would have just told me that from day one, or I just just listened to my gut, I would have done what I always do, and move the fuck on. Instead, I spent three days with her which reinforced my desire.

I threw all my shit in a suitcase, and started looking for flights back home.

She came out to talk while I waited for a cab, and I mended the situation. But how I corrected this catastrophe is not the purpose of this post.

I ignored my doubts based off an expectation of honesty.

I have long since accepted that women do not understand the concept of honesty the way men do. There are some honest girls out there, but I will default to never taking what they say at face value. Which unfortunately in this case, I totally did.

The key thing I learned from this is doubts which arise for no reason should be acknowledged fully, regardless of what you think.

When doubts arise from a specific event.

This is when she does anything, and it triggers you to start thinking crazy things.

This can happen for two reasons.

1. You are being paranoid and insecure.

2.You have been ignoring the doubt that was already there, and the action was enough to force you to acknowledge it.

This is where it gets a bit hazier.

In order to learn the difference between paranoia, and real instinctual doubt, a man has to see a situation through. Sometimes shit happens with women, and it does not mean anything, sometimes it does, and there is only one way to find out.

There have been many times a girl did not get back to me for a long while, when I was expecting some more immediate reciprocation.

The first conclusion a man jumps to is her lack of interest. But sometimes she is either busy, does not feel like texting you back, or her phone dies. Even her not texting you back does not mean anything. I will not respond to people sometimes because I just do not feel like it, and it does not mean anything.

I have had girls flake on me, but with extremely legitimate reasons (rushing grandma to the hospital, broke a bone playing soccer, got into a car accident, etc...) Sure, I have been lied to in the past. But life does have a tendency to throw curve balls every now and again.

My most recent girl told me she called me immediately after I gave her my number. I even saw her twiddling around with her phone, yet I saw no missed call. I did not have my phone on me at the time, so I did not see this until later.

The first thing that ran through my mind was that she did not have a real interest in hanging out with me. But since I have an abundance mentality with women, I let it go. Just another lost prospect. There will always be more.

A day later she sent me a nice text, and it was all downhill from there.

In closing.

Teaching women a lesson is a fools errand.

When women do silly shit which give you cause to doubt, it is instinctive to take action to show them that their actions are unacceptable. Unfortunately, that lesson is never learned.

They will flake on you, or fuck your best friend, and feel completely justified in it. Nothing you do or say will change their own rationalizations.

I have been in situations with women where I took actions that did not resonate with me, simply to prove a point. A point that was lost on deaf ears. Nothing was gained, and everything was lost.

Responding to doubts with emotions will always hurt you.

Doubts are emotions, and emotions met with other emotions never yield positive results.

In the second example, I realized that it is possible for her to have made the call from her phone, ended it before it connected to the server, and still saved my number for later. There was an initial sting from her lack of a phone call, but I realized that any emotions I had which would arose from this would not have helped me at all.

You will always be better off by taking a step back from the situation, taking a breath, and calming down before taking action.

Being able to control our emotions, and not have our decisions be ruled by them, is what separates women from men.

I have always been better off going with what makes sense to me.

Sometimes that is cutting a bitch off completely, but not because I think I am proving a point. More so because it felt like the choice to make.

Sometimes you are just being insecure and paranoid.

If that is the case, the doubt should not be your primary concern. Building your own sense of self worth is.

Sometimes shit comes up, or she is just being temporarily silly.

If that is the case, accept it for what it is, and make the best of it. It is not as if you have never erred in your life.

If you cannot put a finger on it, go with you gut.

In the first example, I should have just walked away immediately after I felt that nagging pull. If I would have, I could have rectified the situation sooner, or got out while the getting was good. As I said, I did salvage the time we spent together, but I could not have, and it would have been harder for me to recover at that point in the interaction.

If you are in doubt with your doubts, be conservative and error on the side of caution.

You may burn a bridge that does not need to be burned, but there will always be more bridges.