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TOMMMMMMY
[–]TomDemian 10 points10 points10 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Was the lack of capital letters a test? Is everyone supposed to be assertive and tell you to stop doing that?
[–]iLLprincipLeS3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
now that you pointed that out, i can't unsee it!!!
youre funny, youre funny guy
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
youre funny. but no, its just my style.
[–]epistemic_humility4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Good post OP, assertiveness used to feel uncomfortable for me. But since swallowing the pill I've been leaps and bounds more confident and its starting to come more naturally.
Quick example: I recently canceled my lifetime membership (starting at a boxing gym that has weights) they gouged me with fine print and two additional months because I canceled on the fourth not the first of the month.
It's safe to say I was disgruntled. I said something along the lines of
'Maybe I'll just cancel the card then.'
Towel folding guy next to the manager interrupts saying '100 dollars isn't really worth canceling a card'
I snap back. 'Are you in an position to decided what things are worth to me.'
Manager treated me WAY different after that comment, immediate respect. He even apologized for the interruption and we went back to his office to finish chatting.
tl;dr don't sign a lifetime fitness contract.
Edit: I feel like this was assertive because I didn't want to be interrupted so I said something about it.
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, but i wouldnt agree that what you did here was assertive or even needed. Although im not going to tell you that you were wrong, i do believe that you couldve just said "it is to me".
I don't believe assertiveness is about snapping at people or making them feel bad. I see it as stating your needs in a direct and clear way.
to each their own, though.
[–]joshsoowong1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had to be assertive last week. I felt great after I told the guy not to seat in my seat. Afterwards it made me question him. Like what kind of man was he? Was he trying to test me or something? This post is a confirmation to me about setting boundaries.
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
i commend you for doing what most are afraid of.
although, i would recommend to always be gentle when being assertive, gentleness shows strength, although many tend to think the opposite, when they experience a man being gentle towards them while asking for something, they understand unconsciously that that man is very strong. "could i have my seat back" , rather than "give me my seat back". i find a gentle question always evokes a positive response (and makes people perceive you in a more positive light), whereas a notsogentle one wouldnt.
also, exactly (about him trying to test you). a lot of men are pointlessly competitive, simply because they think that is how you be a man. (maybe it was in cavemen days, but i do not believe that is how it should be nowadays) (i believe the key to being a real man, a true alpha male, is to be a cooperative male, but also very assertive. many males are cooperative, but pushovers, and that is never fun.)
a lot of men will try to pointlessly dominate you because they are weak.
it is always up to you to show them that you are not.
its also always interesting to see how you perceive them once you do stand up to their sneaky, bully-type tactics.
you look at them, and you see a child.
[–]VirgoRooster 1 points1 points1 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
"Beep beep"
"No SpongeBob not insertive... assertive!"
Anyway, yea, good post.
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
May i suggest that you stop this approval seeking behavior. I can assure you that it is hindering you in every way.
[–]1rporion0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can say no.
Even to women.
May not sound like much, but I can say no even if they cry or beg!
Don´t know how assertive that makes me, but it seems to be enough.
[–]OrangeCub0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Be assertive, cool. But why? To be able to stand for what you believe and how you envision your world to be. Why? Because you have respect for yourself, who you want to be and what you want to achieve. Why? Because this is your life and you are here, so you want your experience to be amazing.
This is why you should be assertive and have personal boundaries. So that others will not mess with all the aforementioned.
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[–]TomDemian 10 points10 points10 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]iLLprincipLeS3 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] -2 points-1 points0 points [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]epistemic_humility4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]joshsoowong1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VirgoRooster 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TOMMMMMMY[S] 0 points1 point2 points [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1rporion0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrangeCub0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link