[Hmmm. Let's see what's on the old Tinders this morning]

Chubby, creepy-eyed, butchy looking greasy hair "woman". 44 - kilometres away

Oof. Well, fuck it. Let's do this.

I very honestly

STOP!

Stop Right there dude. There is not one honest thing about you. Let's get that straight from the get go. You are fake af from top to bottom.

Please. continue...

I know some of my words might be hurting ppl

The easiest way to not be an asshole is to just stop being an asshole

That's free advice right there. You're welcome!

but actually I talk truth

Yeah, we already covered that. I highly doubt that you ever talk truth unless you think it will get you money or power.

x sorry

Don't apologize to me. Your moronic blabbering only feeds my inner demons. Apologize to the good people whose feeling you hurt.

if I not be to nice

Uh. WHAT?

Finding special guy who's can make me feel like I'm a princess

Well. You came to the right person!

Now, get on your knees. Just do it. Trust me.

I dub thee the Princess of Porn. Now, while you're down there...

(Haters - piss off. This post is labeled NSFW for a fucking reasons. Adults Only)

If you not looking for long team or serious relationship swipe left

I AM looking for a serious relationship. Just not with a team, and certainly not with you.

I'm 5" 7 if you need to know.

So you DO have a 5" dick?! Boom. I just won a bet. I knew it! You know, you are almost passable. The broad shoulders gave you a way though. Just saying.

Well my little princess. Since you have finished your - ahem - "chores", I am going to get you a princess gift. Take this $5 to Teabaggin Donuts and get yourself a treat.

Who says I don't know how to treat a princess.

Thanks to user /u/adriannmng for the original.