Conveying Standards

spikcicle · 2021-02-23T06:54:42+00:00

Hey girl! Easy answer. You don't convey it to him, and you don't worry this much about a guy you've seen only a few times.

You should decide what is and isn't a deal breaker for you. Like I personally like good morning texts and then a conversation in the evening. But my guy isn't too good at checking in if I made it home. I usually forget to text too lol. My friend loves the once a day phone call. My other friend and her partner text constantly. Decide what you want and stick with it.

Next, it's not ever about convincing or conveying what you want. Its never a good idea to change someone. You either wholeheartedly accept who he is or you keep moving. So if once a day texting is who he is and that will not ever make you happy, then you should not even be trying to date this man!! Just use him and lose him.

With this guy, you are clearly unhappy with his current behavior. That's good to know about yourself. Hold firm on that. The worst thing you could do right now is lean INTO the relationship. Lean away. Go on a different date. Text him less. Forget to text him. Raise don't lower your standards. See what happens. If you give off desperate vibes, he's going to know that even with this minimal attention he has you right where he wants you. If he learns that his minimal attention isn't going to do it for you, then he will decide to put in more effort or he'll walk away. That's fine because that frees you up for another man. For example, if he doesn’t text you that much because he knows you’re waiting around for him, then he has no motivation to text you. If he knows that not texting you means that you’re going to move on, he will text you. But for that to happen, paradoxically, you have to be ready to move on and actually start moving on in some cases. So just move on.

You convey your standards by what you DON’T do and say more than by what you do. By not rewarding minimal effort, you get more effort. If that puts him off, then he wasn’t worth it anyway.

Things you can say to increase his effort when you guys are chatting or planning a date also have more to do with what you don’t do rather than what you do. Don't continue boring conversations. Refuse to get out of the car until he opens the door for you. If he suggests a middle tier restaurant, just respond with "I’m not really used to that". Don’t get into a texting routine with him, make him be intentional and reach out to you every time. If he asks you to hang out, ask him what are we doing? Don’t just go over for no reason or see him without any plans. Never cancel your plans for him.

If you do feel I need to say something to him, say something once and be very direct with him. Say, “I like when people make an effort to reach out to me a few times a day.“ and then move on in the conversation. If he does it because he wants to impress you that means he likes you. If he doesn’t or if he fights back and makes you feel like you’re being unreasonable or needy, take that as a sign and ditch him. I don’t recommend this one, because you always want people to be showing their true selves, not who they want you to think they are.

Title	Conveying Standards
Author	Gloomy-Conference-bb
Upvotes	10
Comments	1
Date	February 23, 2021 3:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lq8fgr/conveying_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/conveying-standards.792535 https://theredarchive.com/post/792535

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