spikcicle Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
26	HV Behavior in Long Term Relationships	DISCUSSION	spikcicle	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/09/20 01:05 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
66	My HVM was actually just a golddigger Idk it's a theory a lot of people talk about, but maybe consider only "dating up".	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/12/21 01:01 AM
15	Advice when it comes to OLD? Also follow up question? A lot of these basic dating questions are answered in the handbook, whereas the fds posts are less instructive without the background of the handbook. I usually wait a few dates to see if I even like the guy as a person before telling them I'm looking for something serious. Keeps them guessing, keeps me in the moment and unbiased. There's no specific time line, but if he doesn't make moves to meet up in the next few weeks, he's probably not interested in a real date, more just texting for ego bo…	/r/askFDS	07/05/21 03:44 AM
4	How do I deal with not feeling good enough? Hey! Happy, simple, cute, carefree girl here. In a longterm relationship. Well, outwardly. Everyone thinks I'm bubbly and social and breezy and supremely confident. I have dark days too. Really dark. I'm in therapy, no one knows that. Have to take my antidepressant daily. I'm in a high powered, high stress, intellectual career (and always struggling to be taken seriously bc of my outward appearance and vibe). I have days that I'm stressed and anxious and hole myself up in my room, and no one see…	/r/askFDS	15/04/21 05:00 PM
9	Conveying Standards Hey girl! Easy answer. You don't convey it to him, and you don't worry this much about a guy you've seen only a few times. You should decide what is and isn't a deal breaker for you. Like I personally like good morning texts and then a conversation in the evening. But my guy isn't too good at checking in if I made it home. I usually forget to text too lol. My friend loves the once a day phone call. My other friend and her partner text constantly. Decide what you want and stick with it. Next, it'…	/r/askFDS	23/02/21 06:54 AM
26	I’m so fed up. I truly want to understand men, why they do these things and why they don’t care? How did you give someone the chance to flake on you twice? I would’ve not messaged him or entertain seeing him again after him flaking the first time. Also the fact that you guys have a bit of history tells me that he might have not treated you well in the past, which means that you definitely should not have entertain him this time around. whether or not you reached out to him and sent to the croissant message doesn’t matter because you’re not gonna see him again. It was honestly kind of a funn…	/r/askFDS	11/01/21 05:00 AM
11	He dumped me bc I'm suffering from depression Block him on everything and never go back. Stay single for the next year. Don’t you dare even talk to a man. Get yourself right: job, health, including mental health, friends, and happiness. Get therapy. Write down your goals, and then write down a plan to achieve every single one. That’s how you do it.	/r/askFDS	11/01/21 04:48 AM
8	Does the no-sex rule apply to a guy friend? Yeah so I think you're at the start of a nice thing. Keep dating him! Have fun! :) but also keep vetting. You really need to take off the love goggles and read the handbook though. This is the crucial time to set standards and stick by them. This is the crucial time to vet and not let small things slide because you have the mushy gushy feelings. Just bc you guys messed around doesn't mean "the seal is broken" and you have to/can do it again. For example: "he came over and we messed around" Like …	/r/askFDS	02/01/21 04:13 AM
10	Does the no-sex rule apply to a guy friend? Was it a real date? Like restaurant and he paid? If so, then just keep going on dates. While he's gone, familiarize yourself with the fds handbook.	/r/askFDS	02/01/21 03:41 AM
37	Does the no-sex rule apply to a guy friend? If you want to be in a relationship with him and take things to a more serious place, I would not sleep with him. You know what will feel better than sleeping with him? Dating him. Be direct if you want. Tell him you're interested, and you'd love if he took you out on a date. And then leave the ball in his court. If he quickly takes the opportunity, then you're in business. If he just keeps being cheeky and hitting you up late at night, you know what he's after. I still wouldn't sleep with him. …	/r/askFDS	02/01/21 03:14 AM
2	A rant about "equality" and pregnancies I am from the United States so I don't know the nitty-gritty of your system or what protections are in place. I'd love to hear more! In my experience, employers are reticent to hire someone who might disappear for a few months/weeks on paid leave. They don't want to pay someone who's not actually being productive for them. If they think a man is likely to spend less time away from work, why would they not hire a man instead of a woman? In the same vein, if an employer has to pay a mother who's o…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/01/21 11:11 PM
5	A rant about "equality" and pregnancies Oh I fully agree with your point. Totally agree that the 50/50 work split is egregious, like how bout the 4 months of work she just did for free GROWING A BABY lol. You're right that discriminatory maternal leave only leaves mother with more work, inequality at home. I was adding that discriminatory maternal leave also creates inequality in the workplace via hiring practices, etc.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/01/21 09:44 PM
9	Women put WAY more negative scrutiny on the penis than do men on the vagina Spot on brother. This guy needs to c h i l l.	/r/PurplePillDebate	31/12/20 02:26 PM
33	How Do I Make Myself Indifferent to My Ex? Well the first step to being emotionally indifferent is to also be indifferent outside yourself. Take control of yourself and stop stirring up drama. That article was unnecessary drama. It also shows him how much you still care for him that you'd take all this time to write about him. He might be mad but it's just an ego boost. You also have to block him and stop checking his Twitter. You're not a helpless victim here! Don't treat yourself as one. Save the healing and reflecting for your journal…	/r/askFDS	31/12/20 01:25 PM
6	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? The list is a really good idea. I used that a lot during my weakest moments. You can also give the list to a close friend and call her when you feel weak. Heck, you can even PM me. The list is always too long girl. Most people wait too long. If you're at the point where you think the list is too long, the list DONE BEEN too long. You know what - I have a lot of trauma responses too. I have also done therapy, meds, good role models to get here. So I'm so so so glad you're doing the same for yours…	/r/askFDS	31/12/20 02:57 AM
20	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? Hey no worries! Just for all the fans at home, "scared to be alone" is not a good reason to be with anyone ever! Both of you deserve better. "sweet, kind, and doesn't watch porn" and "we have a lot in common" are not ringing endorsements. Do you feel like you're his mother sometimes? Are you dating him for his potential? Are you putting any aspect of your young life on hold for him? If so, he's the wrong guy for you. Are you having fun? Does he act like he reaaaally realllly values you? Aka does…	/r/askFDS	31/12/20 02:49 AM
13	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? It's never worth it girl. Ever. Men aren't special. Get out here and do every glamorous thing you've wanted to do, Life is too short.	/r/askFDS	31/12/20 12:04 AM
18	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? I still am greatly skeptical that I will ever find someone I enjoy spending so much time with as I am very picky about who I like to spend time with. You know, I used to not be sure why so many askFDS women say this. Now I know that it's a combination of being afraid to have something work out and a fear of trying something new. I want to assure you that you are NOT special (I mean this kindly), and you will 100% find many different types of people who you enjoy spending time with. You just don'…	/r/askFDS	30/12/20 11:59 PM
29	I know checklists are passé but I keep them and update red flags. It doesn't have to be a huge struggle for you. Just saying. You and your partner don't have to have the same hobbies. You should have time set aside to pursue your own hobbies and friendships individually, it's actually vitally important. If you make the sacrifice of sharing videogaming with your partner, you will actually reap the benefits. Honestly, your first "shared" hobby should just be dating. Trying new drinks, going to nice restaurants, trips, and exciting activities together. If you're …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/12/20 11:46 PM
35	I know checklists are passé but I keep them and update red flags. Being a person with an addiction is destructive to the people around you. Recovering from addiction involves focusing all your energy on yourself, you have nothing to give to others. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction is neither good for the person with the addiction or the supporting character. No hate to anyone with an addiction, but there's nothing wrong with choosing someone who doesn't have an addiction.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/12/20 11:36 PM
66	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? I guess I knew because I started having a lot more fun without him (hobbies, new friends), I had a lot of space to grow, and all those little things that used to bother me, well, I realized they actually bothered me a whole lot more. I mean, sure I missed him, but you should read about the brain chemistry of breakups. Your brain chemicals literally act like you're withdrawing from a drug. We're evolved that way. So sure, it feels bad, but that's not reality. Once the emotions of the break up fad…	/r/askFDS	30/12/20 09:19 PM
73	Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough? Sure. Dated a guy for two years because we had an intellectual connection that was amazing. He was ambitious and smart. He was pretty nice and did his best to make me feel special. But he was also insecure and boring. He didn't like spending money on the same things that I did. He didn't like my friends, and I didn't like his. We were really compatible in a lot of ways. We could have come to mostly happy compromises on a lot of those things. But I just wanted to do better for myself. And I don't…	/r/askFDS	30/12/20 08:47 PM
58	I know checklists are passé but I keep them and update red flags. Add gaming addiction. Or even just frequent gaming. Huge turnoff.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/12/20 07:38 PM
17	Self-love I used to think I had to fix all the things I don't like about myself to love myself. It was exhausting and I felt like a failure all the time. Like, "If I was just 5lbs lighter I would love myself." That flaw would sit in my brain, and I would tear myself apart for it with negative messages and feelings of shame. Then I'd start a diet, fail a diet, and just feel like shit. Then one day I had a day where I was able to hold both my flaws and my self love in my brain at the same time. It was kind …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/12/20 07:36 PM
2	I’m so conflicted. Idk if I should stay or if I should go. Hey! You're too young to be dealing with any of this. You also don't sound in love with him. Sure he loves you, staves off loneliness, and gives you the happy feels. But like who he really is and where he's at is not attractive to you, at least not to give him that much patience/control of your life. It's okay to want to date someone more ambitious, financially stable, and committed. It's okay to not want to date someone's potential. That doesn't make you a shit person, it makes you logical and …	/r/askFDS	29/12/20 11:40 PM
11	Just broke up! With reconnection: some people will understand, others won't. Shoot your shot, it's the holidays. I would NOT reach out be like "I just had a break up and need support" they will feel used. Just invite them on a outdoor coffee and have a good time without focusing on the breakup. And remember this lesson for your next relationship. Maybe start with the people you kept the most contact with and family (if you're on good terms). For the reasons: try to pick concrete examples of unacceptable behavi…	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 11:26 PM
41	Just broke up! You did the right thing! That itself tells me you have a lot of self confidence. Make a list or write yourself a letter of the reasons you broke up. This will help you in moments of weakness. Other than that. Journaling affirmations, therapy, social supports, dating yourself, new hobbies, taking care of your body and mind. For me my friends are huge. If you don't see your friends a lot, now might be the time to (safely) reconnect.	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 10:42 PM
2	What’s your physical type? To the people downvoting me: fds requires self reflection and life changes. Don't come here to get coddled.	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 10:35 PM
3	What’s your physical type? That's okay girlie, I'm glad you're protecting your sanity and doing what feels right. Things can change and you can take it a day at a time.	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 10:34 PM
6	What’s your physical type? Okay so it sounds like you have a lot of work to do and a lot more FDS to internalize before getting into a serious relationship. Women who are practicing FDS are not into men who are unavailable and need saving. We're kind of turned off by them, tbh. I mean, I would still encourage you to do some casual dating with different types of men. The purpose would be to see what's out there and learn about yourself, not to get into a relationship. Again: don't get into a relationship in this mind state…	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 09:43 PM
20	What’s your physical type? Did you ever hate a food as a kid, so you continued to avoid it as an adult. But then one day, you tried it again and found that you like it now? I feel like that can happen with "types." You're kind of used to being attracted to that type of man. It's comfortable, predictable. You're more attuned to it. I feel like if you went out of your way to date objectively attractive men in all the type categories, you would likely find more "types" attractive. Sometimes we also have like...unresolved emo…	/r/askFDS	27/12/20 08:45 PM
8	What’s wrong with having a fwb? Tbh I don't see anything wrong with having a FWB. I think the problem is when you try to use it as a pit stop on the way to an exclusive relationship or marriage which many women are fooled/delude themselves into doing. The other problem is that sometimes the bar for good behavior seems to get dropped. MOST men feel that since the relationship is "casual", then their contribution to it becomes more and more minimal. And we as women are brainwashed to feel that because it's "only FWB," we are not…	/r/askFDS	26/12/20 08:21 PM
70	Gently reminder that there are no "valid" or "invalid" reasons to break up with someone. Other valid reasons for a breakup: You're not having fun You don't like talking to him You don't like his behavior You have a cute photo to update your hinge profile with. The new year is starting It's a day that ends in "y"	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/12/20 03:55 PM
2	When he turns LVM after a year Love you too! 💕	/r/askFDS	25/12/20 04:55 AM
3	When he turns LVM after a year Girl, once you're resentful it's over. Seriously. You definitely should not have to ask over and over and over. Like I said, if it's gonna click it'll click pretty quick once you make it clear. Otherwise, he just doesn't care about it and by extension, you. Him wanting to do it once you cheated is actually not a promising sign. He's just going to get complacent again. He'll never WANT to treat you the way you deserve. Never beg. Just leave. You are not "lucky" to have a man who's devoted to you.…	/r/askFDS	25/12/20 01:23 AM
7	When he turns LVM after a year HVM (and most people tbh) are content to take the lazy route if they can get what they want without putting their best foot forward. So your boyfriend is feeling safe (maybe too safe) in your relationship with the level of effort he's putting in to keep you around (because it's working). You have to shake him out of that a little. You might be able to, or he might just be so comfortable that a breakup is inevitable. For starters, no more Netflix and takeaway "dates." I say this in some of my oth…	/r/askFDS	24/12/20 05:40 PM
74	How do you come back from broken boundaries? TLDR: said I wouldn’t be sexual until exclusivity talk happened; broke my own rule. Ashamed. 😔 One practical thing you can do that doesn't really require will power is to stop giving the other side the handbook so to speak. You don't actually have to verbalize your boundaries, you just have to enforce them. Actually, I prefer to almost never verbalize my boundaries. If you tell a guy you won't be sexual with him until exclusive, depending on the rest of your behavior, it can come off like you're playing a game or like you're desperate for exclusivity. And if you slip up, then he knows you…	/r/askFDS	24/12/20 04:25 PM
35	Should I go on dates with guys I’m not attracted to? Don't settle on attraction, but make an honest assessment by letting each of you put yourselves out there. 1) You can't really accurately gauge attraction off of a dating app in my opinion. Attraction is so much more than looks. It's the way people talk and carry themselves and how they project their personality through their bodies too. So unless his behavior is bad or he's ugly to you, just go on the date. Like this guy: he's attractive, but maybe not your type. I just think it's hard to tell …	/r/askFDS	23/12/20 04:39 AM
81	When he turns LVM after a year I think the important point to discuss is that while LVM certainly can start to show their true colors after a while, oftentimes, it is us who are no longer being as strict with our boundaries. As the relationship continues on, it's imperative that you keep yourself front and center. It's important to have a vibrant life of hobbies and friends such that you're not available every Friday and Saturday night, even if you have been dating a while. It's important to have pride and ambition in your ca…	/r/askFDS	22/12/20 11:56 PM
85	This reminds me of the time when my ex made me fill foolish for wanting to be a baker "Women should stay home to cook and clean" "Women are gold diggers" My head is gonna explode.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/12/20 06:53 PM
2	I’ve never been in a relationship, am I too picky? Am I doing something wrong? As most people have touched on, you're really young. I would not worry about why you haven't been in a relationship yet. It's a weird age. Lots of things are going to change. You'll meet people at the right place, at the right time. I would actually focus on finding yourself and building up strong boundaries. I'd do a lot of casual dating at a slow pace (doesn't have to be sexual, just 1-2 dates each with a rotating roster of men, no commitment). This helps you find your dating self too, includi…	/r/askFDS	22/12/20 03:46 AM
2	Do you regret losing your virginity? Do you suggest someone wait or not? It's not a big deal to be a virgin or not a virgin. Your first time can feel important, but eventually it doesn't really matter. I think the bigger issue seems to be about your body image. I would suggest leveling up in two ways. Work toward a body that makes you feel good, and work toward feeling good about your body. For me, I had to do the second to accomplish the first. Because confidence is what is sexy, not just a "good body". There's a lot of beauty in a lot of body types. This will help …	/r/askFDS	22/12/20 03:35 AM
7	where to go on first date if I have anxiety going to a restaurant on a first date? Agree with everyone else, you should work on improving this, if only for your own quality of life. Anxiety sucks, I get you. Maybe you could pick a restaurant near you and go a few times with some friends. Then just go with one friend. Then try going alone. Get really comfortable in that place. Then you could go on a date there, but just go for drinks and an app. You could "rehearse" it in a way. Also, learn some breathing exercises and do them in the bathroom if you get overwhelmed. I always sa…	/r/askFDS	22/12/20 12:25 AM
7	Should you tell the guy your dating and your future partner your body count? It's so sad to me that society socializes us (men and women) such that so many of us have depressingly similar experiences. Here for ya girl! ❤️	/r/askFDS	21/12/20 10:32 PM
14	Should you tell the guy your dating and your future partner your body count? Just to address some of the other parts of your comment. You are entitled to privacy. Not giving someone the run-down on your personal life is not lying. You do not have to be fully open with anyone about anything. You do not owe them anything. It's definitely possible that SOME people want their partners to be fully open with them about their past. But that doesn't mean you OWE them that information. That doesn't mean you're LYING if you don't tell them. If they ask, you have every right not to…	/r/askFDS	21/12/20 08:19 PM
71	Should you tell the guy your dating and your future partner your body count? Lmao you should dump this guy. He is basing your worth on how many people you've slept with. He is clearly telling you that he only values women for their "purity" (which is a made up concept that is sexist and only applied to women). There is nothing objectively better or worse about someone who has slept with fewer or greater numbers of people. He is already setting you up to want to please him with that "I know you're not that type of person" line. You're supposed to feel complimented by that…	/r/askFDS	21/12/20 07:47 PM
2	How does dating multiple people work? Love this answer! OP should really dig into why she feels guilty about dating multiple people. If any of her guilt is because she feels she owes the man something, then she needs to work through that before she starts dating. If you think you owe random men on the street anything, you are already at a disadvantage when it comes to walking away from low value behavior. OP, unless you have a strong personal preference for dating one man at a time, that has nothing to do with the men you're dating,…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/20 07:32 PM
1	How does dating multiple people work? You could also make the other option a close friend, friend group, or family. That's basically how normal HVW do it. You can be upfront with them too, like "Hey I'm starting to date this guy and in the past I've sometimes not prioritized my friends when it came to men, so I'm hoping you can help me be accountable on that front."	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/20 07:24 PM
5	How To Establish The Emotional Labour Split Early I would add to this that as dating progresses to a relationship to keep those barriers up. As someone who is in a relationship and COVID has somewhat put an end to dining out, we've been doing a lot more dinners in. All I really had to do was to reign in my desire to plan everything and know exactly ahead of time what we were making and eating. I just tell him to surprise me and that I'll be too busy to go to the grocery store. Even better, "You always pick such good recipes, I can't wait!" I do…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/20 07:08 PM
2	How To Establish The Emotional Labour Split Early Since he usually won't know what part of town I'm in, I usually say "Oh that's a little far out of the way for me." But that's it, I don't offer up alternative plans.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/20 06:58 PM
2	How to ask screening questions naturally in conversations? I don't think it's a good screening question for college-aged people. I actually don't love the idea of extensive screening questions either, because the only real way to assess people is by dating them over multiple months and watching their behaviors. So feel free to ask the big dealbreakers, but other than that, keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. As far as the "What are you looking for?" question, I know FDS preaches to be very upfront about your intentions and make the guy do it as wel…	/r/askFDS	21/11/20 04:37 PM
3	How to ask screening questions naturally in conversations? Not the original commenter but it's important to be patient so you can really get a sense of who a person is and what their intentions are. And I'll reiterate an important point. If you ask screening questions, people will lie or twist the truth to tell you what you want to hear. You're also in college, so probably young enough that you can take your time with this lol. Also if you are dating multiple men, then you don't have to worry about a slow process because you're doing it in parallel.	/r/askFDS	21/11/20 04:30 PM
6	I think sis might have to go. Everyone here is going to tell you to block this girl. She sounds like the worst. It sounds like you know that. I don't know why you're posting here, when clearly you and everyone else knows this is egregious behavior. Just a vent perhaps. But just venting and hearing people agreeing with you isn't helpful, so I'll give you some different advice. You really have to do a better job protecting yourself with boundaries. And feeling as though you are someone worth protecting. You just have to demand…	/r/askFDS	21/11/20 04:15 PM
1	How to end a text conversation? Agree! Find out what you're comfortable with. In general, I like my bf to text me good morning. I usually don't respond til much later in the day because I'm at work. I will sometimes text him good morning first if he's been very good hahah. Then we usually have a brief conversation after work or before bed. The only texting we do outside of that is for planning purposes, ie. "I'm making a reservation for us, does 7:30 work for you?" or "I'm going to pick up our steaks, do you want anything else…	/r/askFDS	21/11/20 03:59 PM
3	How to end a text conversation? I like "Talk to you later :)" better than asking it as a question, but overall vibe is perfect.	/r/askFDS	21/11/20 03:55 PM
3	am i being stupid? Hey girl! I'm really glad to hear your standards have gone through the roof. And I'm glad you ditched that loser, you were being treated incredibly poorly. If you don't mind, could I point out a few other places where your standards could use a little work? It might be a long comment, forgive me. I told him i wanted to wait until i felt like my eating disorder was under control to date and he was ok with that. So mistake #1 is telling a guy about your issues so early. HVM see it as a red flag th…	/r/askFDS	18/09/20 02:48 AM
1	Am I doing too much by even offering an explanation? He initiated 100% from the jump. Not original commenter but. I usually sidestep that question. It's true sleazy guys do ask that. I think it's like a weird corny trope too sometimes. Good answers are stuff like: "I don't know... what do you offer as a man/what kind of man are you?" I especially like this one because it puts them on the spot, and you'll probably get an honest look at them if you read between the lines. "Not sure, I'll know when I see it." If it's more of a question that is indirectly asking what you want from th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/07/20 03:46 AM
2	Am I doing too much by even offering an explanation? He initiated 100% from the jump. I probably would not have explained myself the way you did. I also wouldn't have unmatched him. When you explain, you give him the rulebook. The dinner date is not freely given. That's not a decent guy who knows the standard to offer you, and you'll be fighting him on going to dinner dates for the rest of your time together. When you unmatch him, you remove the opportunity for him come back with a better offer from himself, which would set the stage. Only reason I'd give him that chance is becau…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/07/20 03:34 AM
2	Advice for when dating exclusively but not yet in a relationship Well so my first advice would be to relax. It's only been 3 months. You don't need to have a decision yet. In fact, depending on how busy you are, you haven't even been on more than like 10 or so dates, so how could you know if you wanted to be exclusive or not? Guys like to chase, but they have to feel like there's a glimmer of hope somewhere down the line, you know? If you're simply the strong, yet sweet, busy girl who's not sure if she's ready to pick that guy yet, it's fine. But they're not …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/07/20 03:29 AM
2	How to set boundary/cut it off/move forward FDS style? It's okay to wait it out, but don't pause your life or get thirsty over it. The best thing to do (if it weren't a pandemic) would be to start your life again and start dating. Go do fun shit, date other guys, make him feel like he's missing out. Post little instagram stories, not with your date in them, but of your plate at a restaurant with a glass of wine, heavily hinting that the other person is a guy. Post the beach and post ice cream. And don't do it just for that guy. Do it for yourself. Y…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/20 11:58 PM
1	Feel like this dude is messing with me and trying to get me to ask HIM out? You're super welcome!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/20 02:47 PM
3	Feel like this dude is messing with me and trying to get me to ask HIM out? Lol they are way way too long 😂	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/20 02:47 PM
22	Feel like this dude is messing with me and trying to get me to ask HIM out? There's more to attraction than just looks though you know? I feel like I'd date anyone from a 6-10 (if we're going to use something as crude as numbers to describe people), but the traits that reaaally get me into a guy are... generosity, ambition, thoughtfulness, emotional independence, competence, affection. Stuff that makes them a positive person to be around and compatible with me. Like a guy can be a 10/10 in attractiveness, but as soon as he flakes on me, acts stingy on a date, sends bori…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/20 04:23 AM
23	Feel like this dude is messing with me and trying to get me to ask HIM out? This dude is definitely a loser, but he's going the extra mile to not chase you because you're serving yourself up on a platter for him. I can see it just from this short text message exchange. You have to change yourself for your circumstances to change. Example #1) You have never been on a date with this guy (I'm assuming). Why does he have your phone number? You should only be talking over app until you meet. If he asks for your number, it's okay to say "I usually don't give my number to peop…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/20 03:22 AM
34	Feel like this dude is messing with me and trying to get me to ask HIM out? Pulling teeth?? Stop pulling girl!! Why are you tripping over this dude who clearly sounds lazy and boring. This reads to me as a guy who can't be arsed to put in the effort to take you out; he's lazy or he would rather be doing something else. This does NOT read to me as someone who's genuinely trying to meet up with you and it's not working out for logistical reasons. Don't stress about it. Leave him to his games and weirdness until he actually asks you out for real. As in he makes plans for a…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 09:25 PM
7	What do you reply to a "sorry for the late response" ? I agree with that. However it's not the rule by any means. I read the post as OP seems like a lowkey texter to me, she doesn't seem that bothered, she is wondering how to deal with an apology that she doesn't really want, so I gave advice bc it resonated.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 02:01 AM
2	How to explain to date he violated my boundaries? Girl girl girl. You don't need to explain to this guy that he's overstepping your boundaries or that it's not working. Because he knows. I promise, he knows. He just doesn't care. He senses that you're the type to back down to someone being assertive, so he is literally trying to strong-arm you into a very serious relationship. He thinks if he just keeps beating down your door or hammer-texting you or repeating the word "we", then one day you will just cave. And I feel like it's kind of working.…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 01:31 AM
2	I’ve set low expectations for my boyfriend from the get go because I’ve mistakenly tried to be the “cool, chill” girlfriend. Now I realise I want more - how do I communicate my higher demands to him? Hmm I'd be careful. It's easy to tip over into "showing him all the time how hard I work to impress him" which will just make him feel more secure, less likely to go out of his way for you. I would say the commenter is right in that first you have to level up. But level up in a way that makes him miss you. So... dolling yourself up to sit at home with him is just allowing him to enjoy you for free. Especially since y'all live together, I'd say you have to get out of the house more. Get dolled up…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 01:05 AM
2	What do you reply to a "sorry for the late response" ? I don't think there's really anything to overthink in this situation. It's sorta weird that he apologized, but maybe he's just being overly polite. You should just not address it and keep the conversation moving & fun. Obviously, you should not respond right away, give it some time. But don't give it so much time that it feels faked. Like you don't have to wait 24 hours because honestly it's unrealistic that you didn't have time at all (does happen sometimes, but if it happens every time, then h…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 12:42 AM
28	What do you reply to a "sorry for the late response" ? Respectfully, I disagree with this comment. Some people just don't like texting on the job. Like me. Not because I don't physically have 30 sec to respond, but because my brain is engaged somewhere else, I don't have the bandwidth to give a real response. So I put it off til I've gone home and had a snack. And yeah, if someone is unusually busy for the next week, they'd probably give you a heads up, but if that's just their regular routine, then they won't give you a "heads up" because that's th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/07/20 12:38 AM
17	If he says this it's a red flag Yeah it does feel a bit like negging to me. Subtly setting up the expectation of you to be very performative and "interesting" in bed so he doesn't get bored. Meanwhile he probably won't go out of his way to make it good enough for you to actually have a good time, but you better put on a show to stroke his small dick ego.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/07/20 12:33 PM
54	Tinder over 50 is a horror show... "I don't want my pics on here." Translation: married married married married	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/07/20 04:48 PM
20	He only lives in Williamsburg...is that suddenly really so far away? Did he find a better option and is using this as an excuse I actually love this comment. I never really thought about WHY men are so socialized like this. But when society conditions you such that simply being in a relationship (even if you are happy) is emasculating, it's crystal clear why that would be. It's like the whole reason the word "simp" exists and why its so prevalent on reddit. Your average reddit NVM sees a HVM do something sweet for his girl, and immediately starts screeching simp, calling into question the masculinity of this guy for 'cap…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/06/20 10:41 PM
4	He only lives in Williamsburg...is that suddenly really so far away? Did he find a better option and is using this as an excuse Definitely going to be lazy and leave you feeling kind of used. Not worth it, you can def find NSA sex and be treated well. NSA sex to me doesn't entail dropping a single standard... I expect everything except seeing this person again.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/06/20 10:36 PM
22	He only lives in Williamsburg...is that suddenly really so far away? Did he find a better option and is using this as an excuse So tbh I don't mind NSA sex and I've had some good one night stands. But the way it kinda went down was the guy put in a bit of effort getting to know me, we got drinks, then a diff day we went out to eat, and then we went back to his. He was a perfect gentleman, we had two really fun nights, and because I made it clear I expected effort (as I do from everyone in my life - friends and family too), he made a great effort during and the sex was great & worth it for me. A dude who's too lazy to dri…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/06/20 10:24 PM
1	How do you get a guy to put in more effort? Good for you, keep working on that process! It's not about raising your guard girl, it's about raising your standards. To me, expecting a guy to put in a certain amount of effort is not "having a guard up", it's like...the basic cost of hanging out with me? And it always will be, no matter how many years we've been dating, married, whatever. And that's why I'm advocating for you to truly level up instead of putting on these false guards and games. You have to believe in yourself such that your m…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/06/20 05:06 AM
2	After stringing me along in a situationship for three months, fuckboy is now angry and upset I’m dating someone else (LONG, sorry) Maybe I'm cynical but I think the majority of people treat you how you let them. Regardless, a true HVM, even if he would not treat her like that, would also not stick around for LV behavior.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 11:35 PM
2	sliding standards I think it's totally possible. I think you can be a happy independent single person, but getting into a relationship with a NVM can have you acting LV if you're not aware of the traps that society sets for women. Were you ever truly HVW if you weren't able to defend your boundaries? Umm maybe not, but I think part of growing up is learning boundaries, it doesn't come naturally to everyone. I also think that being a LVW, you can bring out LV behaviors in HVM. So it all plays off each other. To re…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 11:09 PM
3	Have a date scheduled for later today... need help evaluating I will agree that he sounds like he's kind of desperate, codependent. If your gut is saying run, I'd go with your gut. If you want to see how it goes, I'd be careful. Don't date him with any intention of becoming his girlfriend for several months. Mostly because he barely knows you, how could you be his dream girl? He's clearly using this idealized image of you that he has plugged into his life to fill some kind of void. When he discovers 6 months from now that you are - in fact - your own perso…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 10:56 PM
4	After stringing me along in a situationship for three months, fuckboy is now angry and upset I’m dating someone else (LONG, sorry) Yeah I appreciate your understanding, I understand how things go, and I'm glad you're doing well. And I really didn't mean to go off in a way to cause hurt. I support growth and mistakes in everyone :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 09:52 PM
1	How do you get a guy to put in more effort? A guy just not be ready, sure. Not ready for marriage. Not ready for a relationship. But not ready for effort? Nah.. And the thing is, without good consistent effort on his part, I have to wonder why you feel ready to be his girlfriend (long distance, no less). Like I don't usually make anyone my boyfriend unless I have like several months of consistent interest and effort from them. You get him to put in more effort by putting in less effort and caring less. It feels like a game if you're doing…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 07:21 PM
1	Advice Please. Date in 2 hours Yeah in the future, if my date is Friday, I'm reaching out Wednesday afternoon, under the pretense of confirming the time or location. If I don't hear anything by Thursday at noon, then I'm making my own plans. When Dusty McGee texts me on Friday at 3pm, no matter what he says, I politely decline. It really ain't that deep though, you know? No reason to put a lot of personal feelings into it. It shouldn't be "How dare you flake on me, this is so rude and respectful. Don't you know my time is imp…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 07:06 PM
21	Bf used to splitting the bill Directly asking him to be more chivalrous will not work. It'll turn into a discussion. He will of course, immediately reject. Even if she can win the discussion, it will be something he "has" to do, not something he wants to do, so it will breed resentment. I think changing him will be a longgg process OP, one that will require a lot of discipline. IMO it's not worth it. You could try the following method, but it might cause enough turbulence in your relationship to end things. Especially since …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 05:56 PM
22	After stringing me along in a situationship for three months, fuckboy is now angry and upset I’m dating someone else (LONG, sorry) Agreed! And I think following the strategies also gets men to act more HV toward you. I firmly believe that the same man can be respectful toward one woman and disrespectful toward other women. It takes a lot of agency out of our hands to label a man as "disrespectful" if you're the one actively tolerating disrespect. Men, and people in general, will push boundaries to see how much people will take when they learn how to treat each other. If a man knows you won't tolerate any disrespect, then he…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 05:35 PM
85	After stringing me along in a situationship for three months, fuckboy is now angry and upset I’m dating someone else (LONG, sorry) As I was reading this I was going... what??? Literally what??? I'm so angry from reading this entire post. Like I am short circuiting right now. I can kiiind of write off the first part. FDS is a work in progress for you, and anyone can get swept up in their feelings and make a mistake. I guess you could have misjudged his character or let your guard down a little, and gotten played by him. That's ok, it's like something to work on with yourself. But after the reality of the situation became cle…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/06/20 05:10 PM
2	Am I overreacting? [rant] Yeah girl no worries! Confidence should definitely not be drawn from your partner, that's a sure sign of getting caught in a LV situation! One thing I should have added is, if you try to lightheartedly correct him, and he doubles down, you might wanna throw him back. Could mean he is saying it to neg or control you. Most guys worth dating will hear a light hearted boundary and be like "Oops", not double down. If he for example responds to the purple hair comment with "I'm not going to compliment…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/06/20 12:01 AM
2	Ladies I need advice! I would agree. You being the one to reach out also completely changes the dynamic. The dating market is going to be trash for a bit after pandemic. All the HV people have been leveling up, all the LV people have been collectively lowering each other's standards. Keep doing you, don't get caught up in the trap of being lonely and lowering your standards. You clearly dumped him earlier for a reason.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/06/20 06:19 PM
4	Am I overreacting? [rant] Hmmm this is a tricky one. Like no, I don't think he should be saying stuff like that, it's rude. And maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it, maybe he's doing it on purpose, maybe he thinks he's being helpful, but regardless, umm rude! But we'll get back to this. At the same time, I think you're setting yourself up for failure by letting him know how much you care about his opinion and how much it bothers you. By letting him be someone who can validate or invalidate your confidence (btw no one s…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/06/20 05:08 PM
27	What this sub taught me about being a high-value lover for women This is so wholesome! Sorry it didn't work out; you seem awesome though! On to the next one, eh?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/06/20 04:34 PM
3	Is it okay to date a broke man with genuine ambition? because he is at least trying & treats me right Come on girl... You have to know you can do a lot better than "trying" and "treats me right" right?? You're 21 and you have your career figured out. Why are you making allowances for him? Shouldn't you be adamant upon being with someone who at least has their shit equally figured out? You are the one with potential and ambition here, not him. Why on EARTH would you waste your time here. Even a broke college boy will piece together the cash to take …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/06/20 07:49 PM
18	My boyfriend tells me that I am "calling him a piece of shit" and that I'm basically straight up saying I think he's I think he's going to cheat on me and leave me when I talk about my insecurities and fears of abandonment, being cheated on, sexual inadequacy, etc. I guess that's what I am saying. I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here. I'm not trying to criticize you, but just relaying my experience. Tone might come off a bit harsh but I promise it's more of a "caring older sister" thing, and please DM me if you wanna talk. I'm a woman, and I've had male partners like you in the past who were very insecure, had some baggage around being cheated on, and needed constant reassurance. We would have a "deep talk" about twice a month about their insecurities or their traumas. I'm …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/06/20 07:26 PM
1	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 4/29/2020 You're right. Is there anything I can do? Other than enjoy my life? I would hate to break up an otherwise excellent relationship over something like this. He's choosing to prioritize his career; maybe I should be more laser fixed on mine too.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	05/05/20 06:39 AM
1	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 4/29/2020 Wow this is great advice. You're a natural HVW :) My instinct knew that I shouldn't ask, but I couldn't figure out further steps like you did. What kind of thought process helped you figure that out? Thanks for that last paragraph, sometimes I can't tell if I'm being needy or if it's reasonable.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	05/05/20 03:59 AM
1	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 4/29/2020 Hey all - posting here regarding my relationship of 2.5 years, both 25. Currently quarantining separately. Both of us work in a busy tech field and our hectic jobs start in the same city in June. I want to ask him to quarantine with me in our city for a week or two before we start, just for some us time, even though I know his personal time is really important to him. Is there a way to do that without sounding needy? Should I even bother? Part of me thinks that if he really cared he would want t…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/05/20 10:16 PM