I literally have to fight begging tendencies. I know he's an asshole but I still love him. He doesn't want me back, but I still keep asking him to return to me. I'm at my wits end, I'm also suffering severe depression, on sick leave and out of work soon. This is the final straw for me. Help?

If there's any reading material i'll gladly take it. I already started in the dialectic workbook a kind sister on here offered me.