I posted the same on the fds sub but I guess this is a more appropriate place for it.

I am really lost and I just don't know what to do. I was in a relationship with a very HVM. He was the best thing that happened to me. I met him through a mutual friend and we were in a relationship for approximately 2 years. He built his own multi-million dollar start-up, close to a billion in valuation, and is really ambitious with his goals and dreams. He always respected my boundaries and helped me whenever possible.

Recently he asked me if I was looking to settle down but I told him to wait since I was working on my PhD and he respected my choice and our relationship went strong. I was happy that he saw a future with us and I was overjoyed by his commitment to us. A few months ago he told me he might not have proper communication for a few days. It seemed odd but I didn't have think much of it. I texted him in the morning and said I understood. After that we didn't text for a week and then he started just texting short responses. Which then boiled down to one word responses in some cases. Sometimes he would see the messages and not respond until a few days, and sometimes not at all. 3 weeks of this and then he stopped responding and seeing messages for a week.

I was sad at first which I thought maybe he was done with me and after a drunk night I texted some very disgusting thing to him and called him all kinds of things that I wish I never did. He saw the messages and didn't respond which made me even angrier and I decided to block him and delete all forms of communication so that I can move on. After a month he showed up to my apartment and told me that he tried to call me and just wanted to talk. He had lost weight and looked lost and disheveled. I was still angry so I shouted at him and told him that I never wanted to see him ever again. At the time it felt refreshing like a huge weight left my chest.

Last night I was talking to our mutual friend and she told me that his mother was ill and he went to see her. Her case became terminal and there was nothing the doctors could do to save her. His mother wanted to go back to her birthplace which is in a remote village one last time. His mother passed away and he buried her there. He was really close to his mother and after hearing all this I feel like a total pos. I just dont know what to do and I dont know how to move forward with this. Our friends dont know what I did and he only shared his story with a few of his close friends.

I am just lost after hearing all this. He was the best relationship I had and now its all gone. Idk if we can ever reconcile because I said some really mean things and made it clear that I never want any communication with him ever again.

I need help, I dont know how to move forward after hearing all of this. Idk if i'll ever meet another guy like him and idk how to contact him. He was there for me during my worst moments and when he was at his lowest, I only pushed him down thinking that was the HVW thing to do.