Basic stats: 35Y, 6'3", 215Lbs, married 8y (34F), 3 kids (6F, 4M, 10 Month F).

Read: NMMNGx2, WISNIFG, MMSLP, roughly 50% of the Side Bar, The Easy way to quit smoking x3, The Easy Peasy Way, The Art of Small talk. Currently reading MAP and Listening to Frame. Paused on the way of the Superior Man.

Mission: Still TBD. I have been out of focus but this is where I landed before October.

Near Term Goals

Quit Smoking

Bench 225

Get a promotion

Learn to Sail

Physical:

Continuing to lift. On week three of the ATG Power Building Program. I have my first consultation next Wednesday to help with form, progression, and diet.

Career: I started applying for Jobs. I used some assertive communication during a sales review with a woman at work who always seems to derail conversations. Broken record, Self- disclosure, and negative inquiry. This prompted her to manufacture a story to the VP of sales about how I made her feel unsafe, I was aggressive and threatening, and claimed I call one of her work products “Stupid”. I learned about this on Tuesday, Tuesday and Wednesday were fear stricken and I didn’t accomplish much. Today i shook some of it and grinded out a significant amount of work, which felt great.

Social: This continues to improve; I take every opportunity to start conversation and engage as many people as I can.

Game: This is where I feel the most effect of being a piece of shit. I have not been actively gaming my wife this month and it shows. I have initiated a few times one successful but lack luster sex, My wife has initiated 3 times, 2 Blow jobs and sex once on vacation. First Blow job and sex on vacation was reluctant and I was almost turned off.

Final: I am floundering. After getting turned down for sex tonight, I couldn’t sleep, jerked off and went for a run. I am trying to maintain that this is all a journey. I am going to have times of success and failure. Keep reading, practicing and now posting.

"OYS1" 09/20/24

Intro: Somewhere along the way I lost most of my Alpha Characteristics, although they were not in abundance initially. I met my wife 13 years ago. 10 years ago I left my career in the military, moved to my wife’s hometown, got married and the Beta characteristics grew significantly. 4 Years ago I lost my job via the company selling off and shutting down. My life began to fall apart. I lost much of my drive to do anything became massively depressed and anxious. After about 3 years of therapy, a significant decrease in drinking smoking weed and vaping. My last puff was yesterday after months of on again off again 2-4 weeks at a time.

I continued to suffer for sex, confidence, and happiness. I was somewhere between Scenario 2 and Scenario 3. After my initial read of the Easy Way to Quit Smoking, I was free for about a month, returned from a vacation I began again. I was beating my meat to chicks online endlessly. Constantly wish I could get laid in real life, begging pleading for my wife to give me sex. I listened to the easy peasy way to quit porn on YouTube and completely quit beating my meat and watching porn. I told my wife we were not having sex for 3 months. Which would have been cutting out about 4-5 sessions of lame pity sex leaving me feeling as empty as always. During this abstinence period, I gained lots of energy and started searching for things to continue to grow. Somehow, I landed on NMMNG. While reading this I discovered MRP, May/June 24 time frame. I started reading the side bar and read NMMNG again this time with focus, it started to click.

After reading through the side bar, I started practicing. My wife started to initiate intimacy but did not know how to react to what I was doing, but I could feel her view of me changing. At one point she said she misses her nice guy and wants him back. I told her he is dead. About 2 months into our sex freeze I told her I’m ready, her walls went back up. Continuing the plan, she initiated intimacy, and I instructed her to suck my dick, something I had never done this aggressively before. I came on her pussy and then played with her until she came. She was on her period, which has always been a nonstarter however this was a big jump. It clicked again, this shit works. I spank her bare ass every day now and she enjoys it.

I was working out again, getting my broken body healed. I have a knee that dislocates frequently. My knee began to severely disable me about 4 years ago on my nosedive. I started lifting again, this I was in denial with, I was convinced I could stick to my cardio routine and get the same effects. After lifting again for about 3 weeks I know, it is necessary. Most of my lifting is focused on rebuilding my knee and prepping myself for a 35-mile hike in November on the Appalachian Trail.

Sticking to the practice, I could feel my confidence come back. Since that time, we have had more sex in the last 5-6 weeks than we have in a long time potentially ever, 4 times in the last 10 days. I can feel her desire, not always but way more than ever. At some point I took it a bit to far, to fast, in the wrong direction. Filled with confidence and some drugs went out with some new friends, got blackout drunk passed out on the beach woke up to my wife kicking me awake and went home. This is not where I want to be. Not apologizing, STFU, and starting to focus again on what I needed to do.

I am getting better at identifying Shit tests, and fitness tests. There have been many, some I have passed more I have failed. I need to start writing these down to analyze and learn.

The timeline is very fuzzy for me on these things. Which is part of the reason I’m deciding to begin posting. I want to be able to reflect on experiences, grow and have more details of my journey documented.

Mission: TBD. This has been something I have been thinking about greatly this last week. What is the purpose of my life. I used to think it was to please my wife and children and be a family man. Part of my mission is to be a great father to my children. Otherwise, I am lost, I need to find purpose. In the meantime, I’m working on setting and achieving goals. Quitting vices, becoming healthier, improving social life. I need to clearly define these.

Physical: No stats, I have been working through the ATG Programming, from knees over toes guy, something I discovered after I bailed on PT. I’m working to achieve those standards. Overall, I am generally fit and have always been with a few small exceptions of derailment.

Career: I’m somewhat satisfied with this as it currently is, however, it is not incredibly challenging. I work roughly 20-30 hours a week and have the time and freedom to spend with my children and a descent amount of travel. Previously I have held great value in myself from my career. I don’t feel that with my current job. Previously my jobs were a part of my purpose, it no longer feels that way, and it makes me uncomfortable. I haven’t found out what to replace this with.

Social: I am digging myself out of the pit that was falling into the social life of my wife. This perpetuated 4 years ago after losing my job, which was very social and helped fulfill this portion of my life. Now working from home this no longer exists. Since then, I have been a leach of a social person, continually bringing down the energy of any and every group I was around. Since quitting beating my meat, I have gained a significant amount of confidence back. I am actively engaging in conversations. I have started to create conversation with people as a challenge.

Otherwise, we have a significant social community built into the school my children go to, however I struggle finding enjoyable people, but this is mostly my fault.

Game: I forgot all about game until MRP. I quit all game as the Beta husband that was too afraid to offend my wife with flirting with other women. I am sparking conversation with more women around my wife and without. I have gotten more compliments from women, both who I know and don’t know. Although still very rusty, I am practicing with as many women as possible. I first started out with ugly fat chicks, now I am practicing game on as many women as I can, especially when my wife is around.

Sex: In the 10 days I have been denied sex only 1 time, initiated once, she initiated three times. I can feel my IO Growing.

Final: Set specific goals, focus on the details of my interactions, record them and learn from them. Continue reading and re-reading the sidebar, make this process more systematic vs jumping around from post to post, learn terminology. Treat this with a more academic perspective.