Look, for some people this post may come across as beta and green. I have read the sidebar and appreciate that are things that i should be committing too.

Right now though, i feel like im in a hole.

I am 34 years old and have had a rough year particularly because of a shoulder injury. Petty, right? But everything is coming in waves and I'm struggling to stay afloat. About 8 months ago i injured my shoulder playing basketball. Prior to that i was ramping up my efforts at the gym, hiking, playing ball and participating in yoga. In the end i had to have shoulder surgery and that tough was, but i had no choice. Problem = Tear in shoulder. Solution = Surgery. Its pretty simple.

Though everyone goes through an injury at some point of their lives and can relate to the depths of depression you face with the long recovery without an outlet such as exercise. I went through rehab however it got to about 80% and never really got better. I had an MRI and was told that there is another tear than needs to be repaired, booked for 3 weeks.

I've basically put my life on hold until i get better. My reasoning has been i will chase girls/goals once i am healthier, get back into the gym and be the best person i can be. Gym/exercise is the cornerstone for a healthy man. Now i am faced with the dark, lengthy recovery again and I'm not getting any younger.

Now i am extremely attracted to a girl at work, who has a partner. My work is starting to suffer as it taking up a lot of mental space and impacting my mood. Listening to music, watching movies, day dreaming when i get healthier i will be this athlete that will attract women again, in particular this one women. I know, i am already fkd considering i am emotionally invested in someone that i work with and has a partner. This injury has screwed with my head and I've lost my confidence and sense of direction...its a slippery slope.

I realise spend too much time in my head and I have picked up meditation and my goal is to be more present and fanatazise less about things outs of my control and impressing this one woman.

Has anyone suffered anything is similar? Is this depression....where do i start to get better?

Thanks for listening.

J