I am swallowing the pill as a 20yo guy. And sometimes even think that i'm late, too late for some experiences... I do not feel anger or hate, just sad. Didn't have a proper family when i was a kid and i thought maybe i can create a family for myself in the future where i'll experience the warmth of family, emotion of love and unity.

But you guys are telling me that i'll never experience that love as i have projected in my mind. I'll never ever be the "cared" party as a "boy". And that makes sense, its too late for such things and maybe i'll have the emptiness of it for my whole life. I grieve for it, and it seems there is nothing i can do.

I get female attention only when i am %100 confident and stoic. But it creates some sense of shallowness. If any girl would have known my emotional weakness, the boyish side of wanting the family, they would see me as a weak guy. And sometimes, i am getting ONEitis because deep down in myself i start to believe that there is a chance with this particular girl to create the family i designed in my head. And each time same thing happens, my ONEitis shows interests in me, i get weak and beta, and she goes to someone else.

I'm aware the mistake i am doing, but i really dont know how to solve it. Maybe i just need to accept the fact that my ideal family will never happen. I dont know. Any advise for me to solve this problem ?