Accepting introversion? Also looking for insight

Don_Draper27 · 2021-05-11T13:25:33+00:00

You're broken up. Who gives a fuck what she wanted. Why are you obsessing over an ex?

If she isn't mentally retarded, then there's no reason why she couldn't handle the responsibility of either accepting you, or finding someone who she'd be content with bringing around her family and friends.

It's beta to change for someone.

Lastly, get all these dumb fucking labels out of your life. Don't base your whole life around the definition of one word. Next you're gonna tell us that you want to get back together with your ex because your horoscope told you so.

Introvert, extrovert, mute. Who gives a fuck. Focus on being charismatic. Anyone can be charismatic. Charisma is alpha, not being a dancing monkey.

kazuechan · 2021-05-11T13:40:33+00:00

Female here. I’m with an introvert person with an extroverted family man and he just respects my introversion and does all the heavy lifting by talking for me when I’m too tired. He knew better than to force me through social events with his friends or family. And I love when he leaves to hang out with buddies because it gives me the personal space and processing time I need to recharge. However, I personally like being with people who have strengths in my weakness. Me being with other introverted people wasn’t the best. It required me to be the dominant one and do the talking when they’re too shy to (which is all the time because they’re worried about what ppl think about them). I also hated prying personality/quirks out of other introverted people until they got comfortable, which might be never if they’re truly reserved. But these are just my personal irritations with it. You’ll learn which you’d rather deal with.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2021-05-11T23:17:34+00:00

Hi, I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend (19) of 1 year broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We were really close

No you weren't. You were just orbiting. She was bored.

and we had amazing chemistry

No you didn't. You were completely in her frame. You were smoking the Hopium.

but I immediately went no contact.

This was wise.

In the dating phase I made clear that I need to recharge more often from social situations because of my introvert personality,

By making things clear to her, what you mean is you're expecting to somehow set boundaries for you, because you were afraid to do that yourself and would rather follow her lead.

This isn't being introverted. It's being afraid to exercise personal leadership in your own life, because of fear of disengagement or rejection.

Big surprise, if you're not willing to enforce your own boundaries then women aren't going to give a shit about them either.

Acta, non Verba.

You don't need to explain or justify yourself. You don't need labels such as "introverted." You don't need to talk about what you feel comfortable with. Your need what you need, and you want what you want. You simply tell her you're done for the night, you're tired and then show her to the door. Or leave yourself and let her do whatever else. You simply excuse yourself and hang up the phone, then ignore her messages for the most part, because you're busy doing stuff you personally enjoy and find relaxing.

In the last 2 months of the relationship she was annoyed that I didn't have a lot of conversations with her family or friends.

You didn't recognize this as a shit test.

I was always friendly towards them, but at busy parties or larger group settings, my energy just evaporates quickly and that's something I dislike about myself.

Then call it a night and leave if you're tired.

She didn't handcuff you to her wrist.

This makes it clear that you're within her frame and felt a desire to follow her around at your own emotional expense, like a young boy tagging along behind his mom in the store.

Worse, you deal with your lack of boundaries by pitying yourself and indulging in self-loathing and insecurity instead.

I really tried, but eventually I just got drained.

Martyrdom mentality.

You're not some kind of martyr for a lost cause here. Refuse to see yourself that way. You just need to set boundaries more often in the future.

She wanted me to be more social with everyone

Who cares?

but I couldn't act on it.

Stop whining.

I don't understand why she wanted to change me to some sort of 'family man'

Bitches are like that. They love shoveling the shit if they can get away with it.

It doesn't really matter which direction they're shoveling it, they just like low key hustling other people.

even though I made very clear from the start

You talked but you didn't act.

she wanted to change me so badly

Women want a lot of things badly. Women love what they shop for but hate what they actually buy. Then tomorrow they'll want to change it another way.

Accept this and mostly ignore it. It's a big shit test.

Also, do you guys think a quiet girl would suit me better

No.

That won't help you set boundaries. It won't fix fear of saying "no thanks" and fear of disengagement.

It won't cause you to make your own feelings and wishes your top priority and stop giving a shit about what women say or want to change.

or is this just a matter of girls accepting my introversion?

Looking for acceptance from women is a game for 12 year old boys. As a man, accept yourself instead. Nobody cares if women approve of your wishes and boundaries.

That's why I can't decide if this is a drawback on my end, or a trait that can be appreciated by the right person.

It's a trait that can be appreciated by the right person- yourself. Other people aren't the right persons.

Title	Accepting introversion? Also looking for insight
Author	kwarkje
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	May 11, 2021 12:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/n9vru8/accepting_introversion_also_looking_for_insight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/accepting-introversion-also-looking-for-insight.776070 https://theredarchive.com/post/776070

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