Whatsup guys. I have this rough oneitis for an ex. Been trying to get over it, was doing pretty good for a while, but I slipped back.

I don’t really even want her like that, but I want her. It’s like I just don’t want to let go of my first love. Like yeah the relationship is done and I have accepted it for now but something in me tells me in the future I may be able to get back to it if the times right - but tbh I’ll probably be so over it with like 2-3 plates by the time I can do anything about it.

Been trying to build abundance using dating apps but not really getting any success.

I don’t really have a specific purpose at the moment either which pretty much has me just drifting through life right now in quarantine. Shit is honestly kind of sad, these have been some of my lowest months.

I admit I made her my purpose but it was because I eventually did want to marry and have kids with her and just live an elite life where we push each other, travel, grow etc. - smh i was dreaming hard lmao.

Just wondering how can I kill this boyfriend identity that I have associated myself with her, it’s like I keep thinking she is my girl and I’m hoping she is thinking of me (of course she is trying to move on too like me, but at the same time, grieving and thinking about me, like I am to her - from what I’ve read on here though, I am probably wrong, but no way to confirm that).

I recently started stalking her social media account, just to be in somewhat of the loop. Her accounts are public so even if I block her , I have ways around that, which is the worst for me because I know that if i want to move on , I’ll have to really discipline myself not to look. I made it to 2 weeks and then relapsed - the withdrawal and really wanting to know how she was doing started to get violent mentally so I just gave in.

I don’t know man. I don’t want my life to lack purpose. I am feeling very empty nowadays, I think I’m in the depression stage of grieving.

I’m young so I know in the long run I’ll be alright. Been reading the breakup material on the sidebar. I know I am going to have to get up and start grinding again, I put my positive habits on pause just so I can let myself feel this emptiness. I read that you should grow through it and not try to suppress it or put it to the side.

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with accepting the emptiness, killing this boyfriend identity and once and for all final stretch moving on?

I feel like if I hit her up , get her on the phone and tell her how I feel, she’ll set me straight lmaooo, but I’d rather not get hurt again.