~ archived since 2018 ~

Becoming relatable

spirot · 2019-09-21T06:22:55+00:00

I never feel a genuine connection with women who aren't mentally ill, and I have obscure interests like art films and underground music, and it seems like...

spirot

September 21, 2019

1 upvotes

/r/askTRP

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

PDF TXT EPUB

Support the archive

Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.

It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.

I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.

Support the archive

Post Information

Title	Becoming relatable
Author	spirot
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	September 21, 2019 6:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d77045/becoming_relatable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/becoming-relatable.288510 https://theredarchive.com/post/288510

Comments

[–]Rx_Red3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]spirot0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]spirot3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Hmmm. I don't think there's anything wrong with not liking certain genres or seeing some things for what they are (rooting for players that aren't even you or your friends). Some of your preferences seem on the more narrow end (not appealing to the masses). But oh well.

I'm on the autistic spectrum (high functioning) and I used to have similar thoughts and favored more specific interests. I don't know if that describes you, but it sounds like what I was like in a way. I didn't relate well to people and I grew into having broader interests and relatability.

I spent more time with people and breached my comfort zones more and my relatability grew with it. I'm not saying you're on the spectrum, but it might not hurt to look into it. Even if you're not, it could be a comfort zone matter as well. I'm not sure if this is at all helpful

Added text:

For example, I hated cheery, happy-go lucky people. But I realized they were getting all the shit I wanted in life and the people I related to well weren't. So I started giving in more to being around these people, that I couldn't stand initially, and I grew into it more. It worked out for me better than I ever imagined and I'm much less serious now

[–]spirot1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

2 things:

1) Psychiatric diagnoses are a reference list of symptoms in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual). They're a checklist of symptoms designed to best describe a specific, identifiable disorder. Many have overlapping symptoms. It's possible you are on the spectrum, or as you said, just spent a lot of time alone. I would look up the "DSM-5 criteria" for Asperger's syndrome. I'm a psych major, but not qualified to diagnose whatsoever, it's just a suggestion to explore yourself and not necessarily accurate to you.

2) yes, I would at least try to meet people halfway between how you are now and how youd want to be, not a huge jump that turns you off. It took me various degrees of people closer to my ideals to be comfortable with it over time. I couldn't just go straight to non-serious people to relate to. I definitely did see the quality in female acquaintances change as I changed. They got increasingly more sane

Edit: I just want to be clear that I'm not suggesting you have a specific disorder, only that it sounds like a similar experience I had in my own life

[–]spirot1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]spirot1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]spirot1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Rx_Red1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm glad you definitely identify it as a comfort zone matter. Popular things can be annoying, because they can seem stupid or low effort (path of least resistance to more people), but often, some things are popular because they have well-liked elements. It's hard to relate to how people enjoy these little things in life (like jokes on 'Friends') when you're dealing with serious emotions internally. It's okay to let go and give in to some elements while retaining your opinions on other elements of the same thing. It's up to you.

As for friends' behaviors, you can set standards, that what the red pill advocates anyway. You don't have to drink or have one chick to date at a time. Relatability doesn't necessarily mean identical. I've never overlapped more than 85% with my closest friends, yet we were very, very close still. You'll notice as you go more realistic expectations for relatability