I made out with a girl yesterday, but I didn't feel anything. I went through the motions, but I didn't feel anything.

I was hard but I wasn't dying to fuck her.

I didn't want to protect her.

I didn't think she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

I didn't feel anything.

The whole time all I could think was,

"Really? Is this it? ..."

I've led girls on like this before. All the fucking time, I'm thinking shit like

"Huh, this is OK, I guess"

"I'm not at all fascinated by this conversation"

"How do I let her down easy without hurting her"

It's like... this will end badly for her no matter what. No matter what, I'm going to be the one throwing her away. I could make her more invested in me, but what's the point? If I don't feeeeeeel anything, then just hurting people is kind of, well, extra...

Even when the girl's pretty hot, mentally I feel like I'm interacting with a deformed animal flailing in its own spit...

It feels bad. You can lift and become handsome. You can not give a fuck and become attractive.

What can you do so to make life enjoyable?