I am a 22 year old virgin. That is not what the post is about. I will work on it. It gives context towards the advice I need.

I grew up Christain. I was christian till 19. I am nerd. I reconciled science and church, telling myself that God acted through science.

I think trying to maintain perception is bad. That is showing off, or giving the appearance that I know something I don't, or trying to be something I am not is wrong. I think I got it from my christian background. I place a lot of value of honesty, and I want to be completely honest with everything, my flaws, my issues, my successes everything.

Help #1

I think dressing up, and appearing pretty is "immoral". This is stupid, but this is a deeply held belief of mine. This too comes from the christian thing. Why care about what other people thing, when the only thing that matters is "god". Even though now, there is no God, I still cling on to these beliefs.

The logical reasoning is that I have to be honest. Appearances deceive and I don't want to deceive.

^ Please break this line of reasoning. I derive a huge sense of self esteem from my honesty. When most others try to show off, maintain perceptions for social benefit, I try not no. I sometimes fail, but I honestly try.

Help #2

How do I talk in social situations ? I have an issue while talking, where I freeze up, forget words and I have to repeat things to continue talking. It is not very bad, but it is noticeable. I have to look away from a person, if I want to convey ideas, or talk without loosing words. That is just one issue. How I build and maintain conversations ? I talk to random people I meet on college, to improve my skillet there. And I am reading different books to help me. But do you have any help for me ? I don't want to find excuses for my failure. But I suspect, I have a combination of adhd and mild aspergers. I use extremely strict routines and timers to help me with time management. It is not done yet, but I am making a lot of progress in managing time. The aspy part of not being to understand social cues is difficult for me. I am the guy in your group, who says stupid things impulsive and without any understanding of the social situation.

How do I talk to women especially ? How do I talk so that I can trigger attraction in them ? I have been going to the gym religiously for the past few months. 6-7 times a week. I started it because I got rejected by a girl, and I wanted to be more attractive. I now continue both for this, and also for the focus it gives me in my work.

Help #3

I have this huge need to fuck women. But I have some issues with it. I am not ashamed of it, this is how nature build me, and I am okay with that. But I don't respect this need in me. There is so much I could do with my time, build things, understand more about topics that interest me. There is a mis-match between my emotions and the logical part of my mind. How do I reconcile it ?

Help #4

I had a mildly fucked up childhood. My father was an alcoholic who would beat me when he drank. My mother cared, more about "god", than loving me. I was mostly raised by a helper my parents payed for. The few memories I have of my childhood is about running from my father while he tries to beat me, so my parents telling me how I fucked up their lives. I had a aunt who cared for me, but only because her son had died. I was just a replacement, second fiddle. So, I have a deep emotional need to be understood and cared for. I am able to suppress it, if I keep myself busy. But the moment I start spending time with a girl, I start feeling like she could provide me, what I never had. This is of-course, not good, as I don't think that kind of selfless love exists. It is just made up fantasy. How do I get rid of the fantasy of love from my head ?

Help #5

How do I prevent myself from feeling inferior to other men who women have accepted ? This is not something that really affects me. I have a big ego, part of it not justified, part of it justified by the success and abilities that I have. I am a good programmer. My passion and curiosity. I work on complex projects which could make me money. I graduate college starting at a 100k job.

But sometimes it bugs me. I see the entire female race, as having rejected me, and that this points to a huge flaw in me. I don't let myself be sulky, but the few times, I end up being, this hurts me a lot. I suppose this will only be solved with more positive experiences with women. But any advice not to feel this way ?

This is not completely on point, but this error of mine, will give you more information about pathetic aspects of me. While I was 15-16, I wrote a girl about a 1000 emails. I was best friends with her, but she stopped talking when I said I loved her. I didn't have anyone else to talk to. My family had destroyed any form of self-esteem I had, So I wrote to her everyday, about how I was feeling, about how my day etc. This is so incredibly pathetic, and it is not something I will do now, due to my increased self esteem. I was not a stalker, and I wouldn't hurt her. I stopped writing, the day she told me to stop writing. But this should tell you how weak of a core I had.

I know I should have made it smaller, but I am not sure how to. If you can take the time to read it, and help me, I will make sure to help out someone else seeking advice.