I'm 19, nearly 20, and I'm in college. Throughout high school, I was deeply depressed and suffered from IBS (I was also very blue pill at the time). I didn't try to initiate sex at all in HS; I felt as if I was going to shit myself 24/7 so it was hard enough just getting through the day.

Long story short, I turned my life around about 6 months ago. I got back in the gym and I am heading towards being in really great shape, I cured my IBS with hollsitic methods, got better clothing style, started writing music again, quit video games, and got into college after a gap year that was the most depressing year of my life.

Because of my struggles and depression when I was younger, I'm left inexperienced in dating and sex. I'm just nervous about being looked down upon because of my virginity. I plan on lying about it to everyone, and just muscling through my first time. I am pretty good looking (especially since working out, I have a very athletic build) so I'm hoping my good looks can carry me through some missteps in my first encounters.

I might even try heading to an Asian massage parlor and fucking one of them for some practice (any advice on this?). Only reason I haven't is because of fears I will be stopped by police or some shit.

Long story short: I feel like I'm becoming an alpha in life and day to day interactions. But I'm still a virgin. Can a 20 year old virgin still be alpha?

Also, I still feel like I'm "recovering" from the difficult years I experienced before this turn around. I truely feel reinivented; this is the last thing hanging over my head. Is it okay to cut myself some slack in this deprartment and let it come with time? The retrospective side of me is proud, but the hungry and forward moving persona I've developed makes me fixate on the next weakness in myself I need to tackle.