Caught Mum Gaslighting (again)

Accountsofshame · 2014-12-29T08:49:17+00:00

What's NPD, HPD and BPD? Google was less than helpful.

vandaalen · 2014-12-29T09:21:03+00:00

Dealing with crazy really is a whole kind of different level. The thing is, that even if you always stay calm, and don't engage in the drama, they'll come up with even bigger shit, until you crack.

There's a reason why we preach to stay away from them, which admittedly is difficult in your case.

I don't understand why my biological mother is trying to mindfuck me. What is her purpose?? What could she possibly gain from this?!

She's trying to bind you more to her by that.

It's like the classical gaslighting, where you constantly cannot find your keys and somehow your partner always manages to find them for you. "What would you do without me?"

It arises out of the fear of loosing you. Unfortunatly it might even get worse the older you get, because chances are rising, that you will leave soon.

How old are you? Any chances of getting out soon?

Accountsofshame · 2014-12-29T09:18:52+00:00

If these braces are being paid for by your mom then she may not be too keen on you getting them. If you are paying, then she may be confusing the issue for any number of reasons.

Redrog1 · 2014-12-29T10:10:35+00:00

Clinical narcissists and other borderline personalities are crazy. They ultimately have their reasons to do what they do but its both so retarded and complicated that is not worth loosing sleep over it. Your mother is malicious to you, that's enough for you to know.

When someone is gas lighting you the best answer is to treat them like a child that is trying a stupid lie on you. Calmly and politely acknowledge what she said (don't agree just acknowledge you hear her) and proceed to ignore it. When she asks a follow up, just state what you are going to do anyways. Don't discuss her objections. Repeat variations that you have hear her but you have decided to do X.

Its very important that you understand her only objective is to hurt you and try to not go into rage. Train your brain to acknowledge that's all your mother can offer you and raging will only please her.

This is something hard to realize. These personalities get off from getting you moody. They are so miserable that they feel powerful by fucking with people that trust them to some degree. So in the last exchange, believe it or not, she won. She got you to discuss, justify yourself, etc... She felt powerful over you. Sure, you held your ground and opposed it, denying her part of her joy. But getting you rattled is good enough for her. I understand its a process and not backing up was a good first step, but understand that you need to go further and learn how not to rage to her. She enjoys it.

With time you'll come to realize you can not trust anything she says. Because when she says the truth she just gets you to lower your defenses to get to you later on. And you don't have time or energy to fact check everything she says. So best policy is to assume everything she said is potentially malicious.

I know you don't want to have this type of relationship with your mother, your child instincts are telling you that if you do more for her she will love you and she has her reasons. But if she really has a borderline personality that goes out of the window. Her crazy comes before her mother instincts and she will abuse your trust and hurt you for her pleasure. You need to adapt to your reality.

Title	Caught Mum Gaslighting (again)
Author	IntoTheFade5
Upvotes	0
Comments	12
Date	December 29, 2014 8:07 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2qp1h0/caught_mum_gaslighting_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/caught-mum-gaslighting-again.192759 https://theredarchive.com/post/192759

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