Complaining coworker

Triadis3 · 2017-08-29T04:27:22+00:00

cheap voice recorder.

Show boss EXACTLY what happens.

Protect yourself.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-08-29T06:57:58+00:00

On one occasion she felt like she's was being spoken over. On another occasion she felt like her opinion was disregarded.

I've had similar stuff happen. Typically, the woman - and it's always a woman - is trying to change the subject from her suggested course of action, which was RETARDED, to why I was a mean guy. She didn't want to argue the facts because the facts would kick her ass.

Me {to our mutual boss}: "Suzy wanted to {course of action}, which we can agree would have been a mistake. The reason I told her it was a bad idea is that it was...wait for it...a BAD idea. The reason we're now talking about what a mean guy I am, is that she's upset about being told that her idea wasn't the Best Idea Anyone Ever Had." Had he gone with how I should have been 'nicer' I'd have countered with how she should be more willing to accept constructive criticism.

I'm concerned it's painting a picture of me to my boss thats not favorable or worse a direct manipulation. I've told him repeatedly that I come and put my head down and try to ignore her.

Not sure I'd have put it that way, but basically you should minimize your interactions with her. You were right to address it, because people tend to believe the first person who gets to them.

He's suggested a sit-down between the coworker and I.

Of course he did. What he's saying is, "I would like this to be someone else's problem." This isn't likely to work with a narcissist, but so it goes. She's going to want to sit there and tell you why she's wonderful and right all the time and you're a bad guy.

As I see it can either continue on with DNGAF or meet this head on and try to lay down what's acceptable with this individual.

You can meet with her and let her talk. Set a 20 minute time limit on the meeting and then let her blab away, which she will. Then you can say to your boss that you listened to her, uninterrupted, for however long she goes.

Background: she's a bit of a narcissist and I'm not the only individual who she's had conflict with.

Document the fuck out of this. A different chick had a problem with me, mostly because she couldn't do her job, but she also hated on like four other people for the same reason. So when it was my turn to meet with the dept head (the chick had pissed off everyone in the dept and then ran to him for cover), I detailed the issues, point by point, that we all had with her (lazy, work sucked, missed deadlines) and then administered the coup de grace "Of course, maybe SHE'S right and it's EVERYBODY ELSE who is wrong." That only worked because I'd done my homework.

ETA: Have a peek at "CorporateLand" on the sidebar. You'll be glad you did.

TRPAndNofapGotMeLaid · 2017-08-29T05:57:23+00:00

This is why most women shouldnt be in the workforce. Professional whiners.

laere · 2017-08-29T12:55:56+00:00

Is it possible to not have to interact with this female co-worker? I don't run game on them or any of that shit. I just interact with them only when it's absolutely required for the job. Else they don't exist to me.

Edgybraaah · 2017-08-29T03:33:14+00:00

I a d the same type of problem, so this is what I did:

First day when I came in to my job, there was this girl that really got the hots for me, but I ignored her, since she wasn't my type. She was objectively an 8, but had a shit character and was really annoying. I refused her consciously/unconsciously many times, and over time she grew to resent me. Whenever I wasn't there she would talk negatively about me and when I was there she would constantly try to one-up me. She even had her friend fight me, he was bigger than me(I'm 6'3 170 lb, the guy was 6'5 220lb) but luckily I projected a psycho ultra cocky persona and he backed off. Finally, I just had enough of it and on break I just told her:"Come with me, I wanna talk to you". She was intrigued and complied. There I told her(in a very vague, non direct, open to interpretation for bystanders manner) that I made a mistake with her, I was dealing with some stuff back then and got off to a wrong turn with her. She was very positive about it, I even asked her out after and she agreed.

The point is this: Maybe, you declined her advances in some point in time, and now she's butthurt. I don't know how attractive you are , but it very well might be that you're the alpha in your sector and she is still emotionally invested in this whole deal. On lunch break, tell her to come with you and talk about it, like I did. You will mend your shitty relationship, and you might even make a powerful Ally.

Also, this won't work if you're some unattractive beta she just likes to pick on lol

Edgybraaah · 2017-08-29T03:33:14+00:00

I a d the same type of problem, so this is what I did:

First day when I came in to my job, there was this girl that really got the hots for me, but I ignored her, since she wasn't my type. She was objectively an 8, but had a shit character and was really annoying. I refused her consciously/unconsciously many times, and over time she grew to resent me. Whenever I wasn't there she would talk negatively about me and when I was there she would constantly try to one-up me. She even had her friend fight me, he was bigger than me(I'm 6'3 170 lb, the guy was 6'5 220lb) but luckily I projected a psycho ultra cocky persona and he backed off. Finally, I just had enough of it and on break I just told her:"Come with me, I wanna talk to you". She was intrigued and complied. There I told her(in a very vague, non direct, open to interpretation for bystanders manner) that I made a mistake with her, I was dealing with some stuff back then and got off to a wrong turn with her. She was very positive about it, I even asked her out after and she agreed.

The point is this: Maybe, you declined her advances in some point in time, and now she's butthurt. I don't know how attractive you are , but it very well might be that you're the alpha in your sector and she is still emotionally invested in this whole deal. On lunch break, tell her to come with you and talk about it, like I did. You will mend your shitty relationship, and you might even make a powerful Ally.

Also, this won't work if you're some unattractive beta she just likes to pick on lol

Title	Complaining coworker
Author	RebelRebel62
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	August 29, 2017 3:14 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6woks2/complaining_coworker/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/complaining-coworker.113313 https://theredarchive.com/post/113313

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