Controlling my yelling/anger?

abalos · 2015-01-22T11:56:05+00:00

You know what's not respectable? A loud angry person. Quiet anger is the real respect earner. You ever really screw up with somebody and see them hold frame? That's when you know you're not going to have to deal with their volume, or their fists - but their cold, calculated, response.

When you yell - you just spent the emotional debt that they know they owe you. Hang on to that and use it when it's to your advantage.

Think of this example. You screw up at work and your boss calls you in.

Scenario #1: Boss points out your error, then yells at you for 10 minutes then tells you to go back to your desk. You just weathered the storm and you're rewarded with getting to go back to your desk.

Scenario #2: Boss points out your error calmly, and then sends you back to your desk. In this scenario, you haven't 'paid' for your mistake yet. Your hamster torture's you - AND the boss keeps the power to do whatever in retribution.

Using volume to out anger is usually a sign of weakness. Recognize it, and make a better you. He will respect a better you.

vandaalen · 2015-01-22T11:02:58+00:00

Start doing MMA. Your will to waste energy and time with yelling at people will vanish in between one week.

p3ndulum · 2015-01-22T12:10:54+00:00

In this situation I would have asked him "did you ever intend to pay me back?"

If the answer was 'yes', I would ask him if he still has intentions of paying me back. If the answer to that is 'yes', I would ask him when I should expect it.

If he answers 'no', I would say "that's disappointing" and then remember to never buy him anything again with the expectation that he should/will pay me back.

I have an uncle who will do something nice for a person but can't help but guilt them for it at the first chance he gets. Then he complains about how people take advantage of him.

It's that guilt trip (yelling) that cancels that feeling of the need to reciprocate. When you do something nice for a person in a nice/kind way, people feel like try owe you something, but as soon as you start projecting your bitterness or your negative feelings, they feel - on a level - like they have paid you back in a pound of flesh, negating whatever debt they owed to you.

If you can remember, in the moment, that your yelling is costing you in the long run, it should help you put some space between your anger and raising your voice.

You should go to your brother and apologize for losing your cool. Let him know that you never meant to lose control like that and that he can feel like he can pay you back as soon as he can. An apology should restore that feeling of needing to reciprocate. You'll just need to show some patience..

asd1100 · 2015-01-22T15:35:42+00:00

but I don’t want to yell or feel like I need to physically intimidate him just to get some respect.

change genders then.

but more so it was the lack of respect

you are kinda asking for it. You take the motherfucking money from his hands, you don't argue, explain or shame him into giving it to you. Being a man menast you take initiative you escalate, you don't shy away from conflict.

(which I really don't want to do).

bullshit you would love to get a free one in.

He’s 16 and I’m 18. We rarely argue (3-4 times a year) and we never physically fight.

Why, you're kids, you can't really hurt one another, it's good training for real life.

How can I stop myself from yelling and make him respect me (quit lying) without us physically fighting?

stop giving a fuck and take advantage of him a couple of times. It's a game for dominance. The facts don't matter, this all for the "meta".

Title	Controlling my yelling/anger?
Author	trppp_throwway
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	January 22, 2015 7:13 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2t9muy/controlling_my_yellinganger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/controlling-my-yellinganger.145501 https://theredarchive.com/post/145501

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