I am currently single at 20 years old and soon to be 21. I have not made the best decisions growing up, especially in High school but I am still correcting that. I have struggled with mental health issues since I was a little kid and have always been sort of troubled. I grew up with a verbally abusive mom who treated me like shit for years and has murdered my self esteem. When I turned 13, people began to remark how I waa growing up to be handsome and cute. This isnt just family saying this. My first memory of a girl liking me goes back to 6th grade. In elementary school my brother told me some girl drew a picture of me holding her in my arms. Weird but ok ig.

Within weeks after starting my first month at a new school( this was 6th grade) I met the first girl who asked me out. She saw me walking and I saw her eyes dialating and she turned to look at me and follow me with her eyes. Weeks later she asked me out on a field trip. More girls in that school asked me out and told me I was cute/ hot. Some girls in my neighborhood even liked me and I got my first gf that year. Later on I almost ended up losing my virginity to my friends older sister while he was still sleeping in the room. When I started junior high, more random girls took interest in me. A few of them asked me out and flirted with me ect. Around 8th grade I started gaining a bit of weight, but some girls still continued to ask me out and tell me they crushed on me. At the new school I attended in 8th grade, one girl kept staring at mr and saying hi to me. She was kind of cute but I didnt dare think she liked me as my self esteem was shit.

Throughout highschool more girls continued to flirt with me, tell me they liked me, ect. One girl I met one Halloween who I didnt know before started getting all handsy with me. Touching my face and getting ready to kiss me. Than before that there was some random girls staring at me and smiling at me seductively. Throughout Highschool I continued to get asked out and flirted with, with one girl saying she wanted to blow me. Then later on I met this really cute girl who seemed to have a crush on me at first sight. Staring at me, smiling at me, blushing when we made eye contact, ect. She later asked me out later that year. Then another girl from started flirting with me and trying to sit by me and would look at me with these shiny and happy eyes( I have seen women look at me like this before and Idk what to make of it.

Anyways the flirting and occasional glances and advances from women continued, but I allowed it to go nowhere. I imagine I hurt a lot of girls feelings growing up but I didnt know how to approach and flirt back and never really wanted a GF. The most recent girl to like me was a couple of years ago. She was a cute latina waitress i met at this restaurant I worked at. Once again, I messed this up. I remained single for most of my teen years in spite of all my anxiety. I continued to gain weight and got so heavy to the point I was not attractive anymore. I have since lost the weight and now libe healthier than ever. I worked at a store during that time and some girls gay friend was drooling all over me and then the girl said that I was fine af. In soite of all my chances to date and have GFs I remained alone and single through my own doing. Other men have even complimented me and said I am so good looking, and encouraged me to be a player. However at 20 years old I am behind in life. I am barely getting help for my mental problems and I am barely finishing HS. I allowed myself to gain all that weight and waste my potential because I am an idiot. I also cant drive.

I am fixing all of this and plan to go to college soon. Nometheless I wasted so much potential and have no one to blame but myself. I fear I will never meet a girl again and I fell so trapped. There is this girl at my worl who raises her eyebrows at me everytime she sees me..but I doubt its nothing. From my past experience I sort of know what to expect..but I am so stupid and reckless I dont think I am ready to share my life with another. Am I screwed??