~ archived since 2018 ~

"Do I look fat?"

panzergling · 2014-05-05T00:19:31+00:00

Reply: You wouldn't be here if you did. Is that an acceptable response to an LTR? Or should I tone it down? I know "Do I look fat?" is one of...

panzergling

May 5, 2014

8 upvotes

/r/askTRP

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Post Information

Title	"Do I look fat?"
Author	panzergling
Upvotes	8
Comments	34
Date	May 5, 2014 12:19 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24qg3n/do_i_look_fat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-i-look-fat.139657 https://theredarchive.com/post/139657

Comments

[–]abcd_z4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

As an aside, my response should be weighted (puns!) on whether or not the girl asking is actually fat. People seem to forget that.

Red pill gets really down on shit tests, but you have to know that women are smart enough to understand what they are looking for. They are figuring you out not by your honesty, but how you relay that honesty.

If you answer "No, you're not fat", then either she thinks that you are lying, or she believes you. This is either a win, or at the very least, not a loss. There is a difference.

If you answer "yes", then she gets mad. She then knows you are the type of guy who doesn't care for another persons insecurities. This is an empathy test more then anything.

Don't kid yourself, women can tell when they are fat. They know it, and they are also insecure about it. If your women has an extra five pounds, agreeing that she is "fat" does nothing for her, and also nothing for you.

If she has an extra fifty to seventy five pounds, you telling her that she is fat isn't anything she doesn't already know, and likely demoralizing when she's at her weakest. Your goal should be to make her feel strong, while also focusing on her own self improvement.

This is not a red pill move at all, again depending on the girl and if she is actually fat or not.

If not, the right move would be "I don't see you as fat, honey, but if you are insecure, why don't you join me at the gym?". Because you are at the gym too, right? I can't count the number of over weight neck beards complaining how they would never date a girl that "doesn't take care of herself".

This approach has the advantage of combining the fact that you are actively working on yourself, and helping her to realize that she can do the same.

[–]abcd_z1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

If you answer "yes", then she gets mad.

A woman who gets upset at you or puts you on the defensive for any reason is grounds for an immediate Next, followed by GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women).

Of course, I aim for a zero-drama lifestyle, so I have to come down hard on situations like that. It actually works pretty well, but not everybody is willing to follow that path.

If she has an extra fifty to seventy five pounds, you telling her that she is fat isn't anything she doesn't already know,

If she actually is fat (or even just thinks she is), she really should know better than to ask my opinion. I'm not going to soften the blow because she asked a question she didn't really want an honest answer to.

If she isn't fat I'm still gonna fuck with her and say she is, but that's just because it's fun to fuck with her.

Either way, same response.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Of course, I aim for a zero-drama lifestyle, so I have to come down hard on situations like that. It actually works pretty well, but not everybody is willing to follow that path.

I mean this with all sincerity, but good luck. If you think you can have any meaningful interaction with people, men or women, with out drama then you are high or insane. Reality is not so cut and dry as that.

If she isn't fat I'm still gonna fuck with her and say she is, but that's just because it's fun to fuck with her.

Either way, same response.

Either you are a legitimate sociopath, you are trying to come off as a guy who doesn't care about what anyone else thinks or feels.

In any case, I would recommend that you stick with getting laid, and leave any type of meaningful relationship to other guys. You are not cut out for it.

Sorry man, you would be "getting fucked" material only. This is not a bad thing, know your limits!

[–]abcd_z1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

In the interest of learning, can you honestly tell me that there has been zero drama in your life, with a lover and/or fuck buddy?

Seriously?

Before I get ahead of myself, I should point out that I do honestly believe this is possible, assuming you get together, fuck, and walk away.

If your interactions consist of only orgasms, then it would be exceptionally easy to maintain a no drama lifestyle. BUT

If you spend any significant amount of time with another person, there will be drama. Men, women, a mix of the two, doesn't matter. You will have some problem with the way she dresses, or she'll have some problem with the fact that you smoke.

These are random examples, but I can't see any reality where what you have is drama free. Perhaps there is drama, but you are so very red pill you just don't give a shit. That's not lack of drama, that's lack of caring.

If you feel comfortable, please give me more details. I'm genuinely curious, even though it's hard to tell in a text reply.

[–]abcd_z0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

If you feel comfortable, please give me more details.

Yeah, absolutely.

First, yes. There has really been almost zero drama. That has legitimately been my experience when doing this. This is because a Soft Next occurs before drama has a chance to start. It nips it in the bud, so to speak. I don't argue, I don't debate, I just end the interaction and leave.

If she has some problem with how I act or what I do and puts me on the defensive about it, that's grounds for an immediate Soft Next. No drama occurs, it's just the end of the interaction and no-contact for a minimum of a week. After the Next ends she's usually more compliant and less likely to start shit because she knows I'll just Soft Next her again if she does.

If I have a problem with what she does, I have two options. First, I can decide it's not worth being bothered by, and let it go. If I decide it's important enough that I shouldn't let it go, or if I can't let it go, it's grounds for a Soft Next.

Bear in mind that a lot of drama can be caused by expectations held by the man. "She should do this". "She shouldn't have done that". Etc.

I've made it a point to let go of as many of my expectations as possible. If she wants to dress a certain way or smoke or whatever, I don't want to have any expectations to the contrary. The more "rules" you have for each others' behavior, the more likely one of them will get broken, and that generally causes drama. Eliminate as many "should"s and "must"s from your life as you can. I recommend Albert Ellis' books on REBT for this.

Any personal rules that remain must be important enough to end a relationship over, or at least important enough to put the relationship on hold. Some of my rules:

She must not cause drama.
She must follow my lead when I deem it important.
She must have sex with me whenever I feel like it. "I'm not in the mood" is a Soft Next-worthy offense.
She must never endanger my life, my health, my finances, or my general well-being. If she breaks this rule, it's grounds for a Hard Next. No second chances.
She must never physically assault me. This one is also Hard Next-worthy.

More information on Soft Nexts.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I appreciate the reply, and I'll respond as best I can. Keeping in mind I completely disagree with the way you approach things.

I've read through your reply multiple times, and I can't get this thought out of my head, so hear me out.

Every time you say "soft next" or "next", I can picture a women saying the exact same things, but instead of "nexting", she says "withhold sex".

It might be hard for you to see where I am coming from, so go re-read your reply with that in mind.

Thinking of that, would you consider "withholding sex" to be a perfectly acceptable move on the woman's part, if you don't hold up your end, or do something she is not OK with?

This might be my most profound difference with TRP, but if a woman "soft nexted" you, would you come back? Would you put up with that kind of passive aggressive bullshit?

Wouldn't you want a partner who told you what was wrong, instead of resorting to either "soft nexting, "withholding sex" or some other fucking game?

What is so hard about telling a woman she has done something you don't like?

I'm a little drunk on a Friday, please excuse me if this come off as more hostile then I mean it to be. I'm honestly trying to learn.

[–]abcd_z1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

What is so hard about telling a woman she has done something you don't like?

1) Women aren't stupid. If she does something I don't like and I end the interaction, she's going to be able to put two and two together unless she's a complete moron.

2) Discussing her behavior causes drama. When drama occurs, real change is unlikely. Drama makes it harder to walk away when the situation requires it. So I don't discuss it.

Wouldn't you want a partner who told you what was wrong, instead of resorting to either "soft nexting, "withholding sex" or some other fucking game?

If she goes silent that's her right to do so. I told you, I try not to put expectations on other peoples' behavior. On the other hand, if she withdraws sex, that's absolutely a deal-breaker for me and I won't stick around for that. Either way, that is my right to decide what is and is not a deal-breaker for me. In the same vein, it is absolutely her right to make the same decision for herself.

And honestly, if given the choice, I'd prefer that a woman Next herself rather than starting drama by "telling me what [I was doing] wrong".

EDIT: You're claiming that drama is inevitable, and you're also claiming that I should talk to women instead of Nexting them. Can't you see how the two are linked? You get drama precisely because you try to talk it out with women.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Discussing her behavior causes drama. When drama occurs, real change is unlikely. Drama makes it harder to walk away when the situation requires it. So I don't discuss it.

Your entire relationship requirements have to do with how much effort is required of you at any given time? I'm not judging, everyone has the right to define their needs in a relationship, and move on from anyone who is not prepared to meet those needs.

It seems to me that with your approach you could burn really good relationships mostly because you aren't willing to deal with the amount of drama caused by simply spending a lot of time with a person.

This is gender neutral too, imagine the same approach with your best guy friend. If something gets heated, or awkward, would your approach be to walk away?

If she goes silent that's her right to do so. I told you, I try not to put expectations on other peoples' behavior.

I guess my problem is that her going silent, and you going silent, are not apparently not equal. I see them both as shit tests, where as you view it simply as getting what you want, or on the other side, not dealing with her drama.

I don't understand how you don't see that as drama on both sides? Regardless of your expectations of her or yourself.

You're claiming that drama is inevitable, and you're also claiming that I should talk to women instead of Nexting them. Can't you see how the two are linked? You get drama precisely because you try to talk it out with women.

I'm sorry, but I have call bullshit here.

Drama is not caused by trying to talk out your differences. Drama is caused by having differences. This is the human fucking condition, not any kind of relationship techniques.

People are different! This will cause friction!

Even a guy getting blowjobs daily is going to have a problem with his girl, whether it's cleaning, cooking, or dealing with her fucking family. This is normal.

It seems like your solution to any inevitable problems is to not deal with them, and move on. More power to you if that's how to want to live your life, but there isn't a female on this planet you wouldn't find some type of drama with.

Even a faithful, nympho Kate Upton is going to have drama. If you are ok with changing partners every six months to a year, then ignore everything I've posted here.

I'm not trying to change your mind, I'm trying to understand how you view these things. It might come off as attacking. That's not my goal.

[–]abcd_z1 point 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm not trying to change your mind, I'm trying to understand how you view these things. It might come off as attacking. That's not my goal.

I've responded to your comments because of the disclaimer at the end each time. But honestly, it really does seem like you're attacking me, telling me how I'm wrong, and have no interest in what I have to say other than to disagree with it. Whether or not that's the case, that's how it comes off.

I mean, you flat-out disagree with my personal experience, as if I'm lying or somehow mistaken. I told you that I've had multiple long-term relationships with zero drama by following this system, and you still argue that that can't possibly be right.

Even though you claim to want to learn more, the tone of the rest of your comments belie that intent. I'm done here.

[–][deleted]0 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I likely understand you better then you think.

I've posted about this before, but my own life experience goes completely against TRP philosophy. I'm as beta as they get. Assuming I wasn't married, you meet up with me at the bar and hit on the girl I'm chatting up, I'm going to walk away.

I don't have it in me to become that alpha who would deck a guy for that, or even physically fight at any point for a woman. To me, not only would I get my ass kicked, but it's not worth it. Very much not red pill.

That's why I'm here. Not to convince anyone, to win any kind of debate, but find out why exactly everyone here so damn confident in their worldview, when essentially everything here tells me that either my "relationship isn't real" or will "fall apart, due to cheating or something else" because I'm not as alpha or red pill as I could be.

Personal experience is the only thing that matters at the end of the day. What you have in your life is real, don't let me or any online commenter cause you to waver.

Seriously, we are very the same, we argue from person experience, we just have had different results in life.

Thanks again for the input. TRP tends to get a lot of /r/thebluepill and even regular trolls. I'm just glad when I can get an honest answer without either getting banned or flamed.

[–]MasterGolbez-1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

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[–]abcd_z0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

See, you're still trying to find the "safe" answer, the "correct" answer.

Presumably, the safe answer is one that won't cause her to get upset with you.

This is wrong thinking. Be bold. If she asks a dangerous question, don't be afraid to give the "wrong" answer.

but she took it as I was about to try and fuck her which was usually a week long argument...

Ah, that would explain it. See, I don't do "week-long arguments". If an argument starts, I soft next her. It give me the best of both worlds: I successfully avoid any drama, and when the Next ends she's surprisingly compliant.

This is why I'm not afraid of getting the "wrong" answer. Either she realizes it was a dumb question to ask me and writes it off as me being me, or she starts shit, in which case she's gone and I spend time with women who don't ask me booby-trapped questions.

It's a win-win situation. :)

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