Dear asktrp,

I'm 5 foot 9, 27 years old. I'm working on my master's. 2 years ago, new chick showed up at my workplace. Cute, 3 years younger than me, emotional (big highs and lows), shorter than I liked (5 foot 2 while I like longer legs) and more of the cute girl variety while I (at the time) liked more of a grown woman type look. We flirted but I didn't want to shit where I ate. Eventually though she pursued and I gave in because she seemed like fun. I fucked her for a year. She was very much a sub and opened my dom side up. I kept her as a FWB because I figured, "I gotta concentrate on work and keep this a secret from coworkers."

Over time, we kept fucking. I stressed out at work, she listened, cooked for me, kept fucking me whenever I wanted (or she wanted because she had a high libido). She was smart, funny, and the cuteness grew on me. She seemed to mature because she seemed more emotionally stable (those highs and lows slowly vanished). She did her work and worked out a whole bunch (weightlifting became her hobby). We hung out a lot. But I didn't push for a relathionship. I just steadied the course because I became stressed about my work so I concentrated on that and besides, in a year or so we may be across the country so I didn't want to put pressure on either of us.

Eventually, she seemed distant. Called her out on it and she said I'm done with fucking. Ok fine whatever. She said she wants to move on. Maybe try a relationship at this stage in her life. She didn't specify me. Ok well thats cool whatever. But then she went cold. No more hang outs, ignores me at work, goes to everyone else to cooperate with them on their projects and leaves me in the cold. I initiate hangouts, she declines. I give her space. Eventually I find out she is dating someone from her weightlifting gym.

I felt I had somewhat of a unicorn and now I regret not locking it down. I just stressed out too much at work and lost frame in front of her. Instead of enjoying the moment, doing my work and then enjoying life with her (similar hobbies, best sexual chemistry I've had, etc.), I just stressed and kept her on the side as whatever. Now I can't get her out of my head and can't get rid of regret. I've started casually seeing someone else but the sexual chemistry is only okay and it just doesn't seem as easy as it was with old FWB. Now I miss short chicks with small tits and a nice ass. I didn't give a fuck about short chicks before. WTF?

Did I have a wall up and didn't see her good qualities? I've had trouble with depression & anxiety and I'm working on it.

Any advice?

TLDR: Had a FWB, developed feelings for her once I realized we were actually a good match but I kept concentrating and stressing about my work. Eventually she closed the door but I still gotta see her often. Now I regret not making her GF (beta I know) and worry I won't find a match quite like her from music, similar interests to sexual chemistry and great workout habits. Oh and now I like short girls when I didn't in the past.