Hope you all had a Happy New Year; I wish the best for yourselves and your families.

Not sure how to word this without bitching about my problems; maybe you guys can give me a few pointers to deal with this and where to start:

Living situation: living in a strict Christian family; been fed the blue-pill since I was a kid, mostly forced into religion, I never questioned it and did as I've been told. 4 years back I thought all women are good, everyone, falls in love, dates each other and eventually get married. Eventually took a sharp turn and went head first into reality.

Did very average in high school and ended up going to college from home; commuter. It took a while for me to get my head on track; I was a video game, porn addict, that was scared to look anyone in the eye.

Went in the completely opposite direction and made a better man out of myself and it took a lot of work to get there. Went into the STEM field and become really successful in scoring internships.

Social life: Non existent, I spent so much time on improving myself and getting myself up to speed by studying, learning programming languages, I never got to make many friends; had a strict upbringing and my family wouldn't let me leave the house past 12am. Yea I get that; we are all brought up different; that's what makes a man who he is.

Have had a few nearly attempted suicides and I'm on medication for that. I go to the gym on a regular basis; shits been doing wonders. I love sex like any man; but this empty drowned feeling comes back right afterwards.