I decided I wanted to try being in a relationship for the first time with a girl who was leaving the country in 3 months (some self sabotage shit idk what I was thinking) she was a rich Latina girl with daddy issues and I defiled the fuck out of her with sex toys, carrots and rape fantasies etc. Every time we did something like this I lost respect for her but she fell more in love with me because she was an innocent looking girl and society pushes girls to suppress their urges and desires which I let her freely express.

We had a messy breakup over the phone after she left and I then expressed how I felt about her being a whore, I really exposed her validation seeking and manipulative behaviour but she was just being defensive and trying to pressure flip so I hung up.

She reached out to me months later telling me to move on already (I was trying to get footage of myself deleted from her friends YouTube) and I responded with a video of myself fucking another girl. She sent me a video in a dress and make up exclaiming how much she doesn't care.

A while later she wanted to make peace and told me she "forgives me" and she wants to keep the good memories, I responded by saying I was suffering during the relationship and I cheated on her because of the way she was acting. She admitted she purposely made me think she was cheating but is adamant that she never actually did cheat, she said she didn't care that I cheated because the relationship was long gone now. I told her she was a bad girlfriend and I wasn't going to lie to make her feel better.

Now recently she messages me this:

Heey I’m sorry I haven’t replied before, I’ve been so busy with uni, i haven’t had the time to think, also I wanted to really feel the thing I’m gonna tell you. When I wake up today I felt it.

I have 2 thing to tell you, the first one… After thinking it for a while I realized it hurts you cheated on me, because it’s more than just something about “faithfulness”, we used to have a deal, we were “free” if we wanted to experiment with other people, but we needed to tell eachother before. Also doing that you exposed me to get a sexually transmitted disease. That’s the dissapointing thing. I swear I never cheated on you, never, never, neveeeer. Think about if that would be the case, Why wouldn’t I tell you now? Im an honest person. But it’s up to you if you believe me or not. Anyway I don’t have the intention to argue again, I just wanted to express my feelings about it and also tell you that I forgive you, we all make mistakes.I am grateful for everything I have experienced with you, it’s an insteresting story to tell haha, you taught me many things, part of me is built based on what you taught me and things I’ve experienced with you, Im a better woman since then. I thank you for teaching me another life perspective, cooking, about sex, about psychedelics and for boosting my desire to be more independent and to go for the best in life. I thank you deeply for being my master, for showing me the shadows of my being. When you treated me like shit in that call, for a long time I questioned myself and I realized you got right in some things so I started my growing process, I still have a lot of thing to change. Thanks for have been my mirror and show my weaknesses.I’m thankfull to have meet you in this life. I wish you the best, to be very happy, to be an successful psychologist, studying the mushrooms haha, practicing your martial arts and having a good love. I love youuuu and I send you a huuuuuuuuuuge hug with so much love, healing and forgiveness.

If you can be bothered to read this and give your opinions I'd really appreciate it. I have a couple plates now and am studying full time but I want to know what's going on here.. is she alpha widowed? Is she still hoping for a green card from me? Is she trying to get in my head? We really had a strong connection, I would cum inside her EVERYTIME we fucked and tell her I'm gonna make her a mother etc. Really the best most intimate sex in my life. Idk if she has BPD or what. Any input appreciated thanks guys.