Hey all, so I have been reading and digesting redpill for about a month now, and I cannot believe how much my headspace has improved. I've been eating better, working out, sleeping better, and dwelling on the right things. I'm finally feeling confident and worthwhile.

After a brutal two-year orbit around a Narcissist, I have finally found the strength to free myself from her grasp and start exploring other options. I honestly didn't think it could be done until I came to RP, but here I am.

So a little background, I've been in the game now for about a month, and I decided the other day that I was gonna pull my dick out of my butt and approach this girl I've had my eye on for awhile. I knew I'd see her last Saturday, so that was the day. I put on my best clothes, shaved, threw on some good scent and bought a new jacket. I'd say it went pretty well.

I couldn't believe my success - I maintained frame with this girl the whole night. Couldn't believe my luck when I ended up back at her apartment after thinking it was a pipe dream a few months ago. But here I was, with her on top of me grinding into my kack on the sofa.

Things were getting hot and heavy, and then she does the "I want you to sleep here, but I'm not going to sleep with you" bullshit. So without responding directly to her question, I said, "What does it feel like?" Confused, she responded, "what does what feel like?" I said, "being a liar." Now, this goes against every grain of decency in me, but to my utter surprise she starts laughing and leads me to her bedroom.

We continue to kiss and go under the pants a bit, but she is adamant that we not have sex. Whatever, I figure, it's my first RP outing so I figure I shouldn't be too mad at myself for not being able to close the deal. But I sure as hell wasn't going to stay. So I tell her I'm gonna head out and she starts asking me to stay and sleep with her. When I ask if that means having sex with her, she says no. So I - honestly - respectfully decline.

The next day she is texting me all day. My responses are limited, scant, spaced out. I invest myself in other things to take my mind off of it. Don't want to be thirsty.

I take a day off and then on Monday I text her and say, "so obviously you should come over tomorrow and make dinner with me." Within seconds, she says, "OK."

The next day she comes over and MAN is it awkward. I mean I am talking periods of silence and chewing. I was trying my hardest not to do the usual course of just spilling my guts in the face of silence, so it was so weird feeling. Whatever.

Dinner was over, and I figured I would just kind of cut losses, so I was like..."so I can walk you to your car." I walk into the living room, she follows me and starts hamstring on and on about "I don't know what I'm doing." "I don't know what I want." Whereas in the past I would have taken it all like a therapist and helped her process, instead I was just like, "ok then." "alright." "okay." Just gave blank face response most of the time.

Finally she stops beating her bush and gets to the point - she's attracted to my confidence and personality and all that, but she doesn't know if she can be with me physically. Now, just some background on that - I am a bigger guy. About two months ago I was 320 but have since lost 30 pounds. I've had a string of orthopedic ankle surgeries that have set me back due to disability for the last 5 years, but I'm battling back. I'm not an unattractive guy, and I am not a big chunk. I am 6 feet tall and have played sports all my life. So am I overweight? Most definitely. Am I so morbidly obese that I ride around in a scooter? Not even close. Plus I'm a good looking guy.

Nonetheless, she is like "I just feel so shallow. I have been sitting around looking at your Facebook pictures all day and wondering if I could fuck you." Finally I'm just like, "okay, well I don't think I want to hear any more of this. I want to be clear about something: I'm not interested in making any new friends, so if you don't know how you feel, then you can hash that out on your own. Thanks for stopping by." She immediately starts making out with me and climbing on me. Un-fucking-canny. The heartbreaking predictability of it all. Then she says, "so do you want to have sex right now? I'm serious."

At this point, I'm actually annoyed and a little weirded out. So - and I know this flies in the face of TRP etiquette - but I was basically like, "yes I want to do that but I want to do it if you're on board too. So we made out more, went up to my bedroom, and fooled around more It was all going well, we were being so playful (and she was really sexy), and I told her again she should stay. Again with the rug-burn inducing grinding til she tired herself out, but then nothing more. So finally, we're laying there, and one minute she is talking really sweetly to me, but then one minute later she was saying something about, "I'm just so confused" It was time to go.

So I walked her out of my house, she kisses me on the lips and says, "thanks for dinner." I give a lukewarm, look away response and she walks to her car. At one AM she sends a message of a picture she took of me earlier in the night to which I didn't respond. Haven't heard from her at all today.

Today I rehashed it with one of my friends and his opinion is that this was more than hamstering - it was downright insulting. That she had no reason to say anything about my weight and that I should just straight up ignore her. I find that hard to swallow as she is actually cool as fuck (outside of this shit) and is really attractive.

That's the Oneitis thing, isn't it. Sigh.

So my question is - is this girl worth one more minute of my time? Should I appreciate her honesty or should I just say fuck you because there is no reason she had to say any of that? Does she just not want to commit to saying "no" to me all the way so she can string me along and throw me in orbit?