Nothing seems to work. I go to the gym 4 days per week. I have friends but they suck and I'm over them (they make fun of me when I fail with girls, tell me I'm a creep and spread rumors about me). My parents don't give a fuck about me. All I have is my goals and yet I still can't get fucking laid for the life of me... probably because I'm depressed and have no game. I have a reputation of a creep because of my failures and because of my friends talking shit. I've given up on getting laid in college. I'm going to save up money, move to the city, join a PUA lair, and hopefully meet people who don't fuck you over the first opportunity they get.

I just want to get rid of all of my emotions. It's been like this since I was 10 years old. I've tried meditating and getting in touch with them, I've tried suppressing the fuck out of them, I've tried NLP and anchoring, I've tried exercise, I've tried talking to people, I've tried self-medicating. I can't go to therapy because as soon as my parents find out they'll use it to control me in every way.

I just wish that I was a dark triad psychopath who has no emotions and no guilt and shame.

Do I stand any chance of making it to the top 20% or should I just kill myself? I feel so trapped and alone and numb.