My psychopathic traits have caused me a lot of trouble. I know you guys will recommend therapy, but I'm not from the US. Quality therapy is hard in my country, and most are psychiatrists, not therapists - that just means medicine, which I don't want. I've made it this far, and want to make it further still.

I should also clarify, I haven't just given a test online and come here as a loser hoping for some covert validation/attention. I've got all the signs and symptoms. I've harmed animals in the past, I've got very less empathy, I often act the way I think others act when an emotion is required, I'm extremely impatient and impulsive, etc. The rush I get whenever I do something intense is insane. During these moments there is no filter and anything is possible. It is exhilarating but I'm cautious about it/afraid of it because I've felt its negative consequences. It has got me into legal trouble in the past. I would've been in jail and on a radically different life path if not for certain fortuitous circumstances. I've even tried meditation and CBT techniques from Homecoming by John Bradshaw, Outer Child stuff by Susan Anderson and No More Mr. Nice Guy etc. to see if there were any repressed emotions. No, nothing. I often feel nothing when I should be feeling something e.g reaction to dad's promotion, mom feeling ill. I realized only later that I worry about these things' effect on me and there is no/low empathy involved. I can't remember the last time I felt guilt. I don't lack emotions, but I sense that I don't feel them when I 'should'. Lastly, these things have been present since my childhood. It in fact freaked me out the first time because the deeper I went, the more boxes I ticked.

I want to use these traits for my betterment, and right now I've started lifting, working towards my career(giving some qualification exams etc.). I'm asking for advice from anyone who's genuinely experienced with this stuff. It would be great if I could channel it in a better way, get rid of my stupid addictions, pointless time wasting stimulation and get what I truly want.

I should also add that I'd be happy to be proved wrong(although I really, really think that is not the case). I've come from a slightly difficult childhood, both parents were not emotionally giving due to extraneous circumstances. I was beaten in public sometimes as well. If you think I'm making a big deal out of this whole thing, please tell me so and tell me how and why - I'll take it.

I know changing is hard work and taking action repeatedly, but I'd like to hear from you guys. Need some guidance from those with experience.