Not my post, one of my friends is having a problem and he just made a Reddit account, but due to low karma points, he can't make a post on askTRP. So I am making it for him. He also read the sidebar but didn't found anything to help his current situation.

One year has passed since the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. I am in High school, and this memory would not stop following me around. The most stupid, weak, shit I've ever done.

So one of my class mates started coming to school with a gym belt. He started playfully hitting me with it and multiple guys from our class. Then 2 others joined the party, they started hitting us with their jean's belts. I was not alone, multiple guys got the same treatment, they would put us on the desk on smack our butts with the belts.

But they seem they had something personal with me. When the class finished and the 10 minutes break started, there would be a rush, I would run from them but they would catch me.

They thought it was all in a good laugh, that they were just kidding around. Oh boy, I was wrong. I was stupid, I wanted to integrate in their group. It kind of worked, because after that one of the guys from it, that was also my bully, started to act friendlier and asked me a couple of times to grab a coffee with him. I felt kind of good. But it was cut short because I wasn't aware of how the others perceived me.

One day a girl from my class called a teacher and told her the whole situation. The bully's father came at school and the teacher and that father knew the whole situation. When he asked who was the victim, the whole class pointed at me, and only me, the others that got the same treatment didn't stepped forward(not that I expected it).

The teachers started telling me "If you wanted to get beaten up, why didn't you ask your father?", "I thought you were different", "Why didn't you hit them back?". I didn't know how to respond to any of these questions. I was an idiot.

Some time forward the incident was occasionally brought up in class and people started staring at me, saying my name and laughing. I felt like shit.

My parents found out about it, they didn't say anything but their looks on their faces told enough. Only disappointment and regret. My brother was the only that said "You are a fucking idiot..." with the same look on his face. I didn't know what to do next, I was afraid to go to school because at this point I was thinking the whole school found out. Well, it wasn't the whole school, but pretty close.

I was humiliated, I felt weaker and weaker, my parents wouldn't talk the same for a week or so, my brother said that I could live with him if I wanted and that I should change schools.

But after quite some time, it was forgotten, I made new friends. It seemed like it was all forgotten. The memory is still there tough. I know that a lot of people still know the incident and I wonder every time what is in their heads when they see me.

Even a week ago, a friend starts making fun of me on this shit. That happened so long ago. Everything I said, he tried to bring discussion about this. If I said that someone gets bullied, let's say a guy from another school that was also my friend, he would immediately start talking about this belt shit at school. If one more time, he brings that discussion I feel like I would beat the shit out of him. But that will show that I am still affected by it.

Don't tell me the basic stuff you will probably say: go lift, get huge, work on your smv, practice a martial art.

  1. I don't have money for a gym or martial art course, but I workout at home.
  2. I am currently working on my smv.

This memory still haunts me to this day. I can't make it get out. I don't know how to respond when someone makes fun of me on this and in general, I feel like if I beat them, I will get in lots of problems that I don't have solution to.

You might think that I am an idiot, a bitch and a pussy. I don't blame you, I think the same way. But some advice would be pretty appreciated.