I've been dating this girl for 2.5 months. I live in Dallas, and she lives a little over 3 hours away outside Houston. I am 30 and she is 32. For the first 2 months, everything was great. She was crazy about me and we had little drama.

About 3 weeks ago, she asked, "What do you think about us?" I said, "I like it. I think we're great together." But I didn't go any further or commit to an exclusive relationship. Since then, she's slowly become more and more overt about it. She has been creating lots of drama over small issues, manufacturing emotional storms about things that were not a problem before. The best answer I can give her is, "I really enjoy spending time with you. I care about you so much and love spending as much time as I can with you. Let's just see where this goes." We're supposed to see each other in a few days to meet at a midpoint for a day date, but now she is saying things things like with the way things are going she's not sure if she'll be around by then.

Reasons for my hesitation:

  1. Biggest reason is she lives 3 hours away. If we lived in the same city and she asked for an exclusive relationship, I would be cool with that and seeing how it goes. But that basically leaves every M-F where I can't see her in person. At this point I think she is more ok with the distance than I am. She recently applied for a new job that she really wants in the city she currently lives. She hasn't said a word about potentially living in the same city.

  2. I want the freedom to keep my options open. She doesn't lose anything from entering into an exclusive relationship (she is a serial monogamist), but I lose a lot. I have other girls on the side that I am sleeping with from time to time, but I don't consider any of them relationship material. I'm afraid having her as the sole source of intimacy and sex in my life will weaken me as a man and cause me to slowly become needy over time.

  3. I want some kind of guarantees that if we do become exclusive, she will take care of herself in terms of diet and exercise and not let herself go. She looks great right now but can have a tendency to put on weight if she is not careful. I don't think this is something I can realistically negotiate for, but it is something I want.

Here's the rub: This is not a girl I am willing to walk away from. I do consider her relationship material. I don't think I've ever felt like this about a girl before. I've dated a lot of girls over the last few years but never really fell this hard. In a way, she has the power here. If I was forced to pick between an exclusive relationship with her or her walking away completely, I would absolutely pick the relationship.

If anyone has any books or resources to look into about how to handle these situations without losing the girl, please let me know.