Hi all, been a long time lurker and swallowed the pill a few months back. I am currently still in a LTR of 4 years. After reading up more, I realised how pathetic I was during my LTR and how much shit tests I had failed over the course of 4 years. A few weeks ago, I told myself that I would no longer be "Mr Nice Guy" anymore.

What a change it has been. By focusing on myself and not treat my relationship as my entire world (which i had done to varying and mostly negative effects over the past few years), I started to feel more confident about myself and could see how I had caused myself so much trouble over the past few years. I would throw tantrums when things do not go my way, beg my SO to forgive me and be the first to apologise. It always made me feel like my judgement was wrong and that she was blameless for anything, even if she made a mistake. I thought, hey, at least she is happy now. Little did I realise how much harm it would do to her respect of me as well as the overall health of the relationship.

I begin to employ a bit of what I learned. We used to text everyday and I would tell her every single mundane thing that is happening. But the past week, I stopped caring much about messaging. I would reply less (especially since I am working) and not initiate a meet up unless she suggested one. And it worked. For the first time, she initiated sex (wasn't the greatest as I was pretty surprised that she did).

We meet for lunch sometimes and today I asked her to come by and we could hang as I was free for 2 hours. She agreed to travel down to meet me for lunch. Half an hour later, she messages me and ask if I could travel down instead. I dig a bit further and it turns out that she is a bit lazy to travel down and that she feels she always travel down, instead of me travelling to meet her. The beta me would have just said, okay, let me travel down and meet you but I was getting very annoyed at her laziness and called her out on it.

You can imagine the shit storm that happened after. She said I was being fucking petty, that I was being unreasonable. Why can't I travel down? it's not a big deal. Even after explaining it to her, she refused to acknowledge her laziness and just told me I am being selfish and that she isn't lazy because she will always travel down. She says I am making a big fuss about it and she doesn't understand why. I calmly told her that if she had told me she was busy and asked me to head down, I would have, but if her main reason is laziness, I am not going to tolerate and meet you since you agreed to come down and meet me in the first place. She continues to say that I am being very unreasonable. Finally, I told her that I will not tolerate all this disrespect and said that is the end of the argument.

I feel that I did not do anything wrong, and I am right to be miffed about her laziness and her name calling. Did i do it right and how do you guys go about handling disagreements with your SO?