Hi TRP,

First post here since learning about TRP, so let me explain about my current situation.

Lately I have been struggling a lot with my relationship. My partner and I and have been together for 6 years almost. Never lived together due to financial reasons, we both don't drive, met when I was 24 and she was 20.

Things started off strangely, when I was younger I was a lot more confident when ended up hooking up quickly a week or so, started seeing each other, hell at this point I did not even have a job. She managed to find herself a Christmas job and told me they we’re hiring by the masses as it was a busy warehouse at Christmas and managed to get me a job there too.

Couple weeks go by we are now seeing each other every day and sitting next to each other on the bus to work, one day on the way back from work she was very distant and didn’t want to talk or acknowledge I was there. I was concerned, anyway we got off the bus and go our separate ways home. She rings and states it's too much for us to be seeing another every day at work, So I think "Well, Okay I'll switch to the morning shift" Problem solved right? Less time in each other’s faces.

I admit it I like my own time too. Turns out after a few weeks she admits too liking another guy she works with and "We weren’t really together". I’m crushed. We kind of communicate sometimes over text, she says she sorry, never meant to upset me, sends me pictures of her puffy eyes to show me she's been crying all night.

I Also know her friends are encouraging her to go for this guy, he’s a lot taller and better looking he was on a bit of the feminine side though, liked anime and shit like that. Came across to me as a pussy in a giant’s body. (not saying this out of any sort of jealously just mentioning this because it could have been why she eventually retreated to me saying “I think he’s gay”)

A month goes by, I don’t know what happens, but she starts going out with her friends and showing up at my place drunk for sex, I'm not complaining, She's like an 8 and I'm like a 6. weeks and months go by we are now in a relationship officially. first couple of years go fine, we meet up at the weekends, treat each other out to dinners, movies. She doesn't like me paying for everything either we used to go halves or call it a treat. She would treat me I would treat her, really spoiled me on my birthdays I guess we were not the most financially stable, but it was never about money.

We're on our fourth year now, we both moved on from warehouse jobs now, a lot more stressful but a lot more rewarding and promotions on both sides. We started arguing a lot more

maybe due to stress from work? She started saying odd things like "I don't really love her" sometimes an argument would start because I didn't comment on a change she has made,

On the weekend after a long week I'd rather relax on the weekend, sometimes have some time to myself so I would say I'd like a weekend to myself. I would get the common response

"So, your saying you'd rather stay at home than see me!?" Argument ensues. She really knows how to get me worked up. Think at this point I started drinking quite a lot, just to

numb the feelings, self-doubt, Am I in the wrong etc.

It's been pretty much like this for 2 years now, this being year 6. We've fought, cried shouted screamed at each other. I Have even broken my hand by throwing it through a wall a few times out of frustration, but she could never seem to understand my side of things. I know this is not smart, but I really don't know what to do with myself, I've never lay a finger on her, it was just a way of inflicting pain on myself, I have even gone as far as smashing myself in the head like lunatic leaving myself black and bruised, like

that scene in Liar Liar.

Last argument we have had was about me not wanting to have a kid, haven’t spoken in about a month now, no contact. Is it best just to leave it be like this? In writing this out

it helped me understand more on how toxic it was.

Am I just nuts for the things I done, have other guys done stupid stuff like I have? I now have a dependency on alcohol and bad social anxiety. In my 20s I used to attend a boxing gym and have a very active social life, atleast my jobs good.

Thanks for reading TRP.