Hey guys, I'm wondering what I can do to help with my crippling inner game/mental state. I've been lurking for a couple years and understand now how and why situations have gone right or wrong with me as I look back at them through the redpill lens.

I have always been a nice guy beta (its difficult but I'm currently changing that mindset, read No More Mr Nice Guy long before discovering the pill) but I have always prioritized fitness, athleticism, and sports. I've done MMA but now just roll BJJ. I'm funny and quite intelligent. Fellow bros think I'm a mench of a dude and I get much respect from it. Only problem is that I'm extremely hard on myself still. I feel like throughout my life I have ONLY been moderately successful with girls and could do SO much better. I could tell you that I resemble Sean Sherk in physique but unfortunately I also resemble his stature. I ALWAYS seem to default to poor self confidence. That mega respect I get from guys is definitely not shared with women. Its like they can smell the beta self-defeating inside through the alpha body-language-projecting carrying outside. I can amp myself up and feel like a badass to all for a night or 2 but I always come back down. I KNOW I need to approach more but I feel like a fraud despite trying to fake it til I make it.

I sometimes wonder if there is something chemically wrong with me like clinical depression. If I miss 2-3 days without heavy ass lifting I will start to think self improvement is not worth it since I'm doomed to never be in the top 20%.

No More Mr Nice Guy, 50th Law, 48 Laws, both Rational Males have been great, but am I missing something? Is there inner game/mental state media that could help zonk my out of this perpetual funk and have me wake up arrogant as Kanye? Or will further SMV building and success naturally take me to a better equilibrium?