How am I doing? Too strong? (Tinder texts)

FereallyRed · 2019-04-05T16:33:03+00:00

You're not leading, not being definitive, actually being weaselly about setting a time and place and letting her run her game of "maybe" on you.

Plus, first she has a friend's dinner tomorrow night but the says she might be free for drinks at 7? Something stinks.

You have to polarize these women. Reject her "maybe". Tell her you'll meet her, not "tomorrow" but the next day, at 7pm at El Gatto Negro bar. Stop being beta. Take charge. Make her say "Yes" or "No". Because "maybe" means no.

Throwaway5hfy88k99 · 2019-04-05T16:04:06+00:00

You are going out for drinks and she seems interested. What is the problem?

FalconWrite · 2019-04-05T17:20:36+00:00

You’re not entirely out of the game here, you just need to establish the frame better. Make it clear that it’s YOUR night and you’re open to inviting her, but not dependent on her to come. That starts by actually making plans that don’t involve her at all first, and committing to them. Start by being a busy man who has a complete schedule that includes things you do for fun, and THEN create an opportunity for women to tag along.

A lot of guys say that “maybe” always means “not interested”, and up until last night I was a staunch believer in that. But there are always exceptions.

Yesterday I told a girl from Tinder what my plans were for Thursday night and Friday night. Things I’d be doing no matter what. I told her where I’d be going and said she should come out after work either night for drinks. She replied “I can’t tonight, but maybe I’ll come through tomorrow”. I took this as a passive no and didn’t reply. 40 minutes later she texts again her plans opened up and asked if the invite was still open. Said sure. Her first option probably canceled on her or something, but the key is that it wouldn’t have made a difference. I basically just went out to game other women, enjoyed a drink and meal at one of my favorite venues (with her happening to be there as company), and then headed off to a show.

You’re going out to spend money showing yourself a good time, doing things you scheduled, and letting her have a chance to join in on it. Make that clear without outright saying it. If her interest is high enough for you to even bother, she’ll step to it. If not, you don’t lose either way.

resnine · 2019-04-06T01:01:21+00:00

"well, what time are you free?"

Came off as emotional, needy, pushy, and breaking frame. Stop with the Lols. You gotta stop letting her lead you around.

8380atgmaildotcom · 2019-04-05T16:09:10+00:00

Speaking from experience, young med student doesn't give them tingles.

Don't be so overt just say you're trying to cure cancer

Kommanderdude · 2019-04-05T16:03:53+00:00

Stop with the lol shit. It’s girl stuff. She’s gonna flake. It’s better to ask her “ what’s your availability like this weekend?” Or something along those lines. That way you can respond with “cool I’ll text you the details when I know for sure I can do something “ or something like that.

You sound like you have nothing better to do then sit around and wait for her to be available. Your best option at this point is to not respond to that last text. If she’s into you and wants meet up. She’ll text you back.

CatoTheHungry · 2019-04-05T16:03:29+00:00

Just those messages? Pretty good I’d say so far but it’s a small sample size

WiredT · 2019-04-05T16:42:34+00:00

Lmao i think ur in there..is this like a joke lol?

WiredT · 2019-04-05T16:55:46+00:00

DUUUUDE SHEs saying her mom wants her with an indian guy and you said ur not indian

Or a doctor

So shes glad she doesnt listen to her mom...

TFWnoLTR · 2019-04-05T18:29:52+00:00

Who cares if she flakes. Move on if she does.

Your texts are fine. Your worry that she might not go out with you is a problem.

TehJimmyy · 2019-04-06T20:09:08+00:00

Looks ugly , this is why i dont bother with tinder uggos think they attractive.

FREECRACK6 · 2019-04-05T17:00:11+00:00

Too much qualifying, sound like u didn’t get laid in high school and just found game

Psychological_Radish · 2019-04-05T17:23:42+00:00

Some of the advice you're getting is too extreme for Tinder. Bossing her around with the "Meet me tomorrow at 7. Red Pill Tavern" only works if she's already really digging you, which of course you have no idea if that's the case from behind a screen. That could either come off as cocky and confident or rude and obnoxious.

Usually I start out with "we should get a drink this weekend" If she responds positively, I'll follow up by asking "what's your number". Then I'll ask when she's free. Oftentimes girls flake at one of these inflection points and that's okay. It just means she wasn't interested.

I also think you rushed into escalation too quickly without getting some basic info about the chick. Whether or not she's visiting, lives there, etc. is pertinent information for logistics. Do you have enough info to find her on social media? I always try to find a girl's Instagram or FB which you can usually find if you know her college or place of employment. Has helped me weed out some fatties and uggos that I was unsure about. Doing a bit of vetting will also make her more comfortable with the idea of meeting you.

Now as to your situation, it looks to me like she isn't that interested. Screw that "tentative" bullshit. I'd withdraw the offer and say "sounds like you're busy, how about you hit me up when youre free" then never text her again. 95% chance she never hits you up, but that's okay.

Title	How am I doing? Too strong? (Tinder texts)
Author	Whatfillerdo
Upvotes	5
Comments	29
Date	April 5, 2019 3:54 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b9swoc/how_am_i_doing_too_strong_tinder_texts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-am-i-doing-too-strong-tinder-texts.224417 https://theredarchive.com/post/224417

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