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[–]RedSkeller1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
First off, a year is usually when chicks drop the act. Instead of all the discussions and talk, you should have acted. If a man treated you this way, would still be his friend? Leaving immediately when you drove over? She knows very well she is acting out but you keep going for the bait. Giving her space would have been a good idea, but from what you have told me it sounds like things are in decline. Personally I would lay off for a while and then come back to her ready to shut up and fuck it out. If there is any hope you need to re-frame and not lose your shit, but thsese actions (not valuing your time) are disrespectful. If it doesn't get better then prepare for the end and start getting out there and finding new plates, if she hasn't begun this already.
[–]qwertysmasher0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
What's the bait? If she's pissed me off, I yell and express anger. Are you saying I should remain calm and go back to ignoring her until she's acting how I'd like? Re-frame stay calm and just stay at a distance until she's sweet again? Am I understanding you correctly? If the disrespect continues, drop her.
[–]RedSkeller1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. How do you raise a child? When it cries do you coddle it every time? Or do you ignore it. Suddenly the crying baby stops when it realizes there will be no reaction. Re-frame as in dread, you don't have to cheat on her but remind her you have options. Flirt, get a phone number, ghost for a bit - make her wonder. Why do you get angry?
[–]qwertysmasher0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I get angry because she legitimately pisses me off. It's because I care about her and I care about how she treats me. She's my girlfriend, I want to care. So when I feel slighted, I want to rage and force submission. That's the honest truth. Maybe it's not effective, but it's definitely how I feel.
[–]qwertysmasher0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
And also, it is very hard to stay calm for me. A feminine trait, I am aware, but it's something I cannot help sometimes. 9 times out of 10, I rage. I don't apologize for it, and I don't want to. The other 1 time is apathy until a solution presents itself.
[–]RedSkeller0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There is nothing wrong with caring but being upset and showing emotion is telling her you are more invested then she is - she has the power. Then she will continue to do these things because you reinforce them with her anger. The move is not to move at all. Have you ever tried to address your anger? Dissect the reason why you get that way? Or think about talking to a counselor, just to be able to talk it out?
[–]qwertysmasher0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'll take your advice and go off the radar for a while. I have not addressed my anger before. I've been told I should more than once in fact so it's no coincidence that you're getting the same vibe. I actually am looking into a counselor as we speak, it's been an ongoing process so I will be sure to bring it up. I appreciate the help. Anything else you can add?
[–]RedSkeller0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you've heard it more than once from different sources it probably rings true to a degree. Anger is a useful tool, it will drive you in the direction you go. If you can use it to swing your weapon harder than your opponent you will shatter his will, however unfocused, you will wildly swing and exhaust yourself without hitting your mark.
At the base of anger is a fear, what is that? You need to find an answer. Long term anger only hurts you, the ones who caused you to be angry will feel nothing and only be driven farther from you - you need to let it go if it serves not purpose to you. I see so many people fighting so hard for their LTRs but most of the time it is the man or average frustrated chump - not the woman. It is a scarcity mentality - the opposite of what we want here.
I would talk to a counselor, a guy or man only and talk about everything (your life story, the relationship) any detail worth mentioning. I had three one-hour sessions that ended my PTSD that I had built up overseas. If you're a student they could be free, but it's well worth the money regardless.
You have options, you always do and women should compliment your life not draw from it. If you haven't read 'Mr.Nice Guy' yet do it today. Anything else, we're all here to help and of course I'm a PM away if you need it. Best of luck on your course brother.
I appreciate the effort you've put into helping me man, thank you. I have read Mr Nice guy. I am definitely in ok shape in regards to women and my life, it's just right now I've hit a bump and really need the help from fellow red pillers. Also, thank you for your service. I may PM you soon.
[–]Apexk90 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Because you don't work out or you don't do a sport. That's where you quelch the rage numnuts.
I lift. No sports though. Regardless, when someone causes me anger, throwing iron around doesn't make me feel better. Causing them pain would make me feel better. Or them understanding what they've done and making up for it would make me feel better.
[–]Apexk90 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Pick up a coat sport and watch your anger subside as it has an outlet.
Men need an outlet for rage
Understood. Thank you.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Life happens, plans have to change, but when this comes up normally the polite thing to do is to communicate with people it affects as soon as you're aware.
She's not interested in you anymore, so she's dropping whatever icing she used to put on her relationship cake. Next her. Never get into LTR's with someone who's willing to flake on you.
I feel as though that's what's starting.
[–]the_red_monk1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You're trying to negotiate her desire to please you and be submissive to you, but you've lost some power in the relationship somewhere along the way. Your angry outbursts only serve to weaken your dominance right now.
Somewhere you've let yourself slip in some area. Nothing from your post really gives a clue where this might be. If I were you I would STFU for now while I review the fundamentals of TRP and try to suss out where I'm lacking. Then formulate a plan and take action to right the ship.
[–]qwertysmasher0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
On it. Thank you for the input.
[–]the_red_monk0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No problem, god speed.
Stop talking.
You show up. She leaves. You say nothing you leave you don't contact her again.
I'll stop talking
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