Deep down I think I really wish that I was a woman. I'm pretty submissive and docile by nature. Having a feeling of safety and someone else being in control is calming and it feels good. I don't like the idea of having to call the shots. Sexually also I believe girls have it so much better. There are so many points on the female body that can give her pleasure, and in so many different ways. A full body orgasm is something I'll never experience.

For the record, I have 0 desire to be trans or anything like that. It's just if I was given the choice of whether I could have been born a man or a woman, I would have chosen woman. I'm not gay either. It's just that logically I like the idea of being a women so much more.

I'm still completely turned on by women. I'm dominant in bed and I almost fully enjoy that. I think one reason I enjoy it though is because I'm giving her the thing I truly desire. I enjoy it due to empathy.

I understand the perks of being a man. Being dominant and in control can be very fun too. I suppose I don't enjoy the responsibility, it can be stressful. I know that I can never be a women. Science just isn't there yet, and even if it was the idea of surgically changing myself is just abhorrent to me. I think it's important that I embrace who I am. I can either be half a women or all a man; that's the choice I was born into.

For all intents and purposes I act like a man, but deep down I still have this desire to be a woman. I keep those feelings bottled up, but I wish I could make peace with them and/or eradicate them. These feelings effect me in small ways too. I let people get their way a lot without imposing my opinions much. Sometimes that's a good thing, but I know that makes me less desirable to a lot of women.

Should I accept that this will always just be who I am as a person? Should I hold on to hope that I'll find a girl that accepts this about me? The last girl I was with really liked how nice I was yet how dominant I was in bed. We'd probably still be together but there were complications with her ex (to make a long story short). Or should I work to "change" this about myself?

Edit: minor edits for clarification