I could talk about any number of habits I've been trying to implement. Reading, meditation, studying German, shaving, showering. I'm going to talk about brushing my teeth. It seems to be the simplest and least time consuming. I've been trying to start brushing my teeth every day for the past six years. My longest streak in all of that time (and I know because I've been tracking it) has been five days. I need drastic and immediate change.

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Most of the time, I don't brush my teeth (or do any of the aforementioned) at all. Because when I decide that I'm going to start brushing my teeth every day and then two days later I fail, I don't know what it is but I go into deep depression and sometimes I don't come out for months. Sometimes I don't come back to a place where I can tell myself "okay, let's have another shot at this" for months. And months are the building blocks of years. I've spent years in this cycle.

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Most of the time I don't even think about brushing my teeth, because my brain knows that if I decide to do it and then don't do it, that it will suffer immensely. Better then not to do it at all if failing at it means pain and suffering equivalent to losing a beloved pet.

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Somebody help me out please. I feel like I've tried it all. Moving hundreds of miles to a foreign city. Changing my profession. Shaving my head. All the most drastic changes I can think of. Nothing can make me do... anything. Anything at all.