So, this is the chick that ultimately lead me to TRP. Like most, I had to get burnt bad before I was able to even try swallowing the pill.

Long story short - Total BP relationship, I let her walk all over me giving her more and more freedoms. When she wanted an open relationship I finally said no after a lot of back and forth. She broke up with me that very same day.

Now that she realized she couldn't boss me around anymore, she immediately started dating the next insecure guy. He happens to be a friend of a buddy of mine. Basically she's weasling her way into my social circle.

I hadn't seen her for a little over a month until yesterday when me and my buddy hung out in a bar. At first I was able to pretend like nothing had happened between us, joked around with my buddy and some people we'd approached. I felt like I had gotten over her. But the longer the night went on, the more trouble I had. I felt like utter shit by the end of the night, but made an effort not to talk to her anymore.

Well, basically I'm back to square one now. Can't seem to deal with these shitty feelings, I feel like throwing up.

Now I already know what at least 90% of the people here are going to say:

Read the sidebar. Lift. Fuck ten other chicks.

I'm doing all these things, but sex only ever numbs the pain for a while. I am progressing in life, faster than ever. Yet it still all feels so meaningless and simply doesn't cover up how I feel. I know this is dumb beta bullshit. That just makes it worse. I know I shouldn't feel these feelings.

The best part? That oneitis of mine is your typical slutty, tons of red flags non-LTR material that breaks beta hearts. But even knowing this, the thought of some other dude banging her is not getting easier. And every time I see her, it gets worse again. I was doing really well during NC.

I know I should be able to handle this, and I'm taking all the steps I know I should take. Why the fuck am I not getting over her?