Let's say a girl talks about being messy, eating like a pig, etc.; or we happen to work together on a joint task/project and discover that she is lazy, incompetent, or whatever. How should I react?

Most of the time, I get turned off by those flaws and it shows. The girls immediately label me as judgmental, and they hate me with enthusiasm. When I try to say something like "it's OK, we all do that" they say I am patronizing and still hate me.

In fact, forget about girls. How should I react when this happens with anybody, man or woman?

I am interested in this from a purely Machiavellian POV. I do not really care what they think about me, but by alienating all those people I am losing a lot.