I want to make this clear. I've grown and have lessened my Anxiety. Ironically, I got into an accident and I feel zen as fuck. I can go ahead and look women in the eye, and try to be more outgoing. Before, I would be terrified.

Now, the main issue is pussy. I just want to have it, but not go through hoops and pay for that shit in some form. I know, one way or another I'm going to pay, but it's crippling my identity and self-worth because I'm still a virgin.

I don't know my smv and I feel online dating is a bust because I'm not in the top 20 percent in looks. I'm working out and making an effort to cut all the way down to a low body fat.

The weird thing, back when I was obese, I could just approach, without a care in the world and be into somebody, not sexually but them as a person. It was genuine, honest, no bullshit

After going the PUA, red pill route, I feel like I can't speak with someone unless I'm getting something out of it, no matter what. IT didn't matter what woman it was, I didn't have this self-doubt, self talk stopping me from going.

AS the title says, how can I be at ease, to just escape this sense of desperation latching onto my body. How can I remove my mind from pussy while still having female friends?

I know this seems like a lot and I'm probably rambling but I'm working to make sense of myself and my world while not being indoctrinated with blue pill bullshit.