I need help breaking up with my girlfriend of 14 years. I like her like a friend but I don't feel attracted to her anymore. Basically the bedroom is dead for months. It seems like it does not matter much to her, but I am not satisfied. The thought of ending the realationship really hurts, but not because of the relationship itself but rather because she will be very sad and feel destroyed. I ended the relationship around ten years ago, when I was around 20. I could not bear seeing her crying and thats how we started over again. It was a good time, but I am not happy anymore. I've been thinking of ending the relationship for over a year and I think I need help with it. Also there is a small chance that she may have cancer. The doctors are checking her since weeks. While I want to give her the support she needs, I don't want to be her partner anymore. I don't know how to end the relationshit it in three ways.

First I don't know how to stay strong after the break up and not come back to her if I see her crying.

Second I don't know how to deal with logistics. We live both in the same expensive apartment. I can affort staying, but she cannot. I thought about getting a second apartment for myself for a month or two. That way she could find a new place, get her things and move out. Then I can go back or find a new place for myself. To be honest, I wouldn't want to pay that much for an appartment for myself alone. Another problem is, that most of the things in our apartment are owned by both of us and she probably doesn't have enough money to buy everything she needs at once if we split everything.

Third I don't know how to break up in a secure way. I'm pretty sure she will freak out and we will not stay friends. I don't think she will do anything stupid, but at the same time I am not convinced. How can I make sure that she won't do anything that is bad for me (e.g. making shit up or telling lies to my employer in order to end my career (she knows that my work is very important to me))? Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything that might be harmful to my career. But she could make something up and blame me for it on my employer.

I am not happy with the current situation but I really don't know what to do. Any help is greatly appreciated.