I'm a five foot eleven Indian guy living in California since 2002, America since 2000 (I'm 20). I grew up really shy in elementary, middle, and high school. I was really interested in things like politics and liked to do a lot of research about in my free time. In elementary, middle, and high I was really shy and emotional. I'd cry when I got B's because my parents were really strict. I used to cry in classes a lot and was a genuine loser. I'd never talk about any of my interests or plans for the future since I was a total loser and no one liked me. I lost pretty much all of my friends (I lived in a majority asian town so they were mostly indian) and am alone the whole time. I hated to be seen in general which sucked since I have a pathological need to talk to others. In junior year I cracked and became really suicidal and hated myself. I've been seeing a psychiatrist but I'm finally off medications. I became psychotic and no one really liked me anymore. Fortunately I recovered and am now going to community college. I'm trying to read and other stuff but I can't do anything right now because I keep thinking about the past. Can any of you help me stop thinking about the past since I've already decided what I'm going to do in the future.